[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Dream 3: Dismaydots

    Author: infernal_rose
    ASL Info:    17/f/London
    Elite Ratio:    5.6 - 142/144/44
    Words: 241
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1605
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1490

       if you're interested in getting the full picture, you can check out 'The Dream' and 'The Dream 2: Lost.'

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Dream 3: Dismaydots

    Every day, it rose and grew,
    but now this pain will never pass
    and I face burying you.
    Iíve never found it in myself to speak outright,
    yet I break my heart in trying,
    reminded that the words are too late.
    Iíve submitted myself to uncertainties,
    feeling to blame and forlorn,
    tear off my smile, it's long tired and worn,
    with my heart burnt out, I'm charred to the bone.
    I see your face transcendent in cruel light,
    beautiful and drained,
    lust and disgust grip my mind
    to see your shell-less body inebriated,
    by the monster that rendered you blind.
    I reach for you with my hand, and drop it,
    you lie as alien to me and cold as your tomb,
    Iím left with my hate-child blooming within,
    kicking me, cursing me from the womb.
    I finger the poems that testified your inexistence,
    I wish I couldíve shown you some of mine,
    the only way to unlock my voice
    and free it from the inhibitions of my mind.
    Your every word stabs through to the bone,
    with words still alive with me, yet dead to the world,
    and at that moment, I finally knew.
    Dismay cut through me like a knife,
    and I hated myself for not admitting it sooner,
    for perhaps I couldíve saved your ill-starred life,
    I suppose I took the time we had left for granted,
    and now Iíve paid your ferryman with my spirit.

    Submitted on 2005-02-08 12:07:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is really raw. Although the images you use have been used before: 'cold as your tomb' for instance, you make them fresh, the idea of you dropping your hand is really strong. I can only relate a tiny bit, like when I have a dread of hearses. Things like 'the words are too late' and 'break my heart though' are too clichťd to use, I don't think anyone could pull those phrases off now.
    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]