them by wildchild

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Submission Name: them dots

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Author:	wildchild
ASL Info:	19/f/northwest
Elite Ratio:	4.48 - 307/268/27
Words:	95

Class/Type:	Poetry/Them
Total Views:	326
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	625

Description:
another day......

them

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I'm surrounded by idiots;
There's not half a brain between them.
Wide-eyed, slack-jawed-zombies.
Minds filled with shoes, romance,
Perfumed secrets and chopped promises.

There is nothing sacred to them.
A secret told in confidence today-
- is fodder for gossip tomorrow.
Judging by every whistle and bell;
Never looking to the jewels inside.

There is nothing that can aid-
-these poor, lost fools
Caught in their own little universes
where the sun indeed......
does revolve around them

Submitted on 2005-02-08 14:04:54 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i did not like it at first but then the meaning sunk in. i was pleased until the end. you said the sun revolved around someone. maybe you are not a science person but the sun does not revolve around anything. so, you may wanna check up on your science but it was good overall.
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by buffaloman | [ Reply to This ]
  ha ha nice peek back in the day. your frustration with being surrounded by idiots, is good. I like that wide-eyed, slack-jawed bit. the next two lines are more dense with information and scenes. ”there is nothing sacred to them” very true, I’ve seen what people can do when especially when they are in the company of others they tend to be more cruel and at times more brave then of a person were to catch them alone. I really like this my favorite two lines “ A secret told in confidence today- is fodder for gossip tomorrow.” isn’t that the sad truth. I also admire that “never looking at the jewels inside” part of being immersed in the plastic playground of school. that doesnt only extend to personal image but also who people hang out with and what cars they drive of course only if they are at the grade where they are had cars. I never did in high school. in the last stanza as well very good “Caught in their own little universes where the sun indeed...does revolve around them” great way to wrap it up. it wasn’t the learning of school that made it unpleasant for me it was always the status. I hated that, great one here touching nerves and brings back not so fond memories.

~mike
| Posted on 2005-11-06 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  how true!

for me too...

I liked it, mostly the first 2 stanzas...
sorry der iz not much to say about sumtin' like this...im at a loss, jess...just... good one.

~CinnamonT~
| Posted on 2005-10-30 00:00:00 | by Avril54 | [ Reply to This ]
  High school years are some of the best and worst years of our lives. But also some of the most memorable and lesson learning times we'll ever have. Noone could forget the images you've portrayed. Which, by the way you did very well ;)

Good write, nice imagery, keep it up hun!

*hugs a plenty*
~Avry~
| Posted on 2005-05-24 00:00:00 | by SouthrnQT | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting... I like how this describes high school, and being a teen in general, but there are some minor issues with flow. One such problem is that you end the lines with -
then start the next line with a - . I really think that you only need one, but maybe you have a reason for that. Another minor issue was the 2nd line of the poem... I don't know, for some reason it seemed a little long in comparison to the line before it. You may want to rethink that. Although there are these minor issues with flow, overall, very good poem. :3
| Posted on 2005-05-20 00:00:00 | by Ajyra | [ Reply to This ]
  They always travel with them.
So you travel alone.
What a great piece. Very well written and a perfect pitch of hate. Your first line sets the pace of the read. Great job.
| Posted on 2005-04-28 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
  hehehe. im glad that you keeped the puncutation i suggested. this is really good, and i enjoyed it the first time i read it in class. good job

rain
| Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  Were you sitting by Nicole? Lol, kidding. I sat and listened to Nicole and Andrea go back and forth about the 'need' for shopping. 'It relaxes me' *Cringes,* shoot me now.

About the poem, hehe, your strong spirit and sense on individuality shine through your piece, yet again. We still must learn to hold our tongues. Even when the girl in front of us' name is Emily . Man I usually have more to say, I'm falling behind Jess! HELP. Hehehehe, you did sound to much like me, 'Don't let the boy keep you down' KEEP ON KEEPIN' ON!
| Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Krazy | [ Reply to This ]
  You have captured here the essence of adolescense. Young people find it easier to fault someones infallibilities than work toward a compromise. This poem is written well, very good command of the language. Keep writing and I will keep reading
Ben
| Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]

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