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    dots Submission Name: Lost Beneath the Willowdots

    Author: TDALBH
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 63/57/15
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 908
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 750

       I wrote this today. I don;t know what made me write it. It think I'm in such crazy times that my mind is mixing up 1 guy I used to know and one I know now. *shrugs* Ah well, please read and say something, I love hearing from you!!!!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLost Beneath the Willowdots

    These petals lay
    Like dust upon my floor
    Darkend and withered
    A picture of my heart

    The way you left me
    Standing there
    Lost beneath my veil of darkness
    Lost beneath the Willow

    These rain drops fall
    Upon the ice not yet deminished
    Reminding me of you

    The way you used to whisper
    So soft and sweet
    Only to destroy me
    Only to make me go

    These tears drop
    Softly upon each page
    The remnants of my love for you
    Rolling down my face

    The way I turn myself to stone
    To wait for love
    A wait to last forever

    Iím waiting for you,
    Lost beneath the Willow

    Submitted on 2005-02-08 16:52:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is really good. I loved it. You can see the person standing under the willow tree, crying as the one they love just walks away leaving them all alone in the cold. I am also sorry that you got your heart broken. I hope there is some way I can help cheer you up. Anyways I am gonna add this to my favs, so that all my friends will read it. I loved it and again it was really good. You have alot of talent. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-02-12 00:00:00 | by ForsakenAngel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem that uses concrete images to create mood, for instance: 'teardrops fall softly upon each page,' evokes the image of an open book that is suddenly marred and the petals which the reader assocaites with flowers symbollic of love, being cast over your floor, evokes a broken heart. You should learn to trust the reader more, you don't need things like 'a picture of my heart' or 'the remnants of my love for you,' you've already said them, with editting this could be really great.

    | Posted on 2005-02-08 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]

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