[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Primal Selfdots

    Author: Silver20G
    ASL Info:    28/M/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 158/109/25
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 906
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 650

       This was not one of my better days

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPrimal Selfdots

    My emotion now is a storm.
    Rage, chaos and I scream for more.
    Anger grips me tight. It's hard to get loose.
    Bloody rage has blind me to the truth.
    My hand shakes with adrenalines roar.
    My face fails to hide anger décor.
    It is overwhelming this force inside me
    I remember going feral and forgetting everything.
    It's a mess, no serenity under flesh
    an undeniable true test.
    My soul feels consumed with the fire.
    My mind feels ragged naked and expired.
    I am tired of fighting What seems so plastered,
    but I must realize I am my own master.

    Submitted on 2005-02-09 06:17:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is really well written, maybe it is our different writing styles but it seems to irritate me slightly that it is written using 'my' etc. I know we are told not to give this comment but I actually can relate, being so angry and consumed by the pain that you're blinded from the truth. Yeah I get that so much that I lash out unintentionally at the people I care most about. 'My face fails to hide anger décor.' is my favourite line, that and the last line.
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
      UH! Excellent work again! Don't worry about changing the format. It doesn't make any difference to the meaning of your poem. Your writing is so explosive that none of that matters. Awesome work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by omnipotent | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. A lot of people would probably tell you to display it a little differently. But that's the best the thing about poetry- you can express yourself the way YOU want to. I don't believe that form is always the most important thing. The last line, "I must realize
    I am my own master," is my favorite. Your anger is truth, pure loveliness in the way that you wrote it. I love it so much. I think I'll read more from you based on this poem.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by melancholymaid | [ Reply to This ]
      The agression pours out of it like a tidal wave. The structure points that should be concidered have been allready mentioned so I won't elaborate on those.
    I hope that you liberate your self from this kind of anger because it only leads to acts you will regret sooner or later...trust me on this.

    A great piece!
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Eolendytos | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with edthepoet, this expresses so much and the words are nicely written but it needs to be re-structured, and I think the poem deserves this.

    The lines 5 and six both need an "s" on the end of feels.

    But wonderful expression, keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Belle De Jour | [ Reply to This ]
      You wrote a very good poem,but you layout takes away a little from it. However your extremme passion was capture,though is angry passion,which we all o through at times.

    If you repost this poem with a norm type stanza, I think it will get more commens like it deserve.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Every..... written by jackz
    Push written by JanePlane
    AI written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Etiquette written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]