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    dots Submission Name: Primal Selfdots

    Author: Silver20G
    ASL Info:    28/M/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 158/109/25
    Words: 106
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 940
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 650

       This was not one of my better days

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPrimal Selfdots

    My emotion now is a storm.
    Rage, chaos and I scream for more.
    Anger grips me tight. It's hard to get loose.
    Bloody rage has blind me to the truth.
    My hand shakes with adrenalines roar.
    My face fails to hide anger décor.
    It is overwhelming this force inside me
    I remember going feral and forgetting everything.
    It's a mess, no serenity under flesh
    an undeniable true test.
    My soul feels consumed with the fire.
    My mind feels ragged naked and expired.
    I am tired of fighting What seems so plastered,
    but I must realize I am my own master.

    Submitted on 2005-02-09 06:17:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is really well written, maybe it is our different writing styles but it seems to irritate me slightly that it is written using 'my' etc. I know we are told not to give this comment but I actually can relate, being so angry and consumed by the pain that you're blinded from the truth. Yeah I get that so much that I lash out unintentionally at the people I care most about. 'My face fails to hide anger décor.' is my favourite line, that and the last line.
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Cat | [ Reply to This ]
      UH! Excellent work again! Don't worry about changing the format. It doesn't make any difference to the meaning of your poem. Your writing is so explosive that none of that matters. Awesome work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by omnipotent | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. A lot of people would probably tell you to display it a little differently. But that's the best the thing about poetry- you can express yourself the way YOU want to. I don't believe that form is always the most important thing. The last line, "I must realize
    I am my own master," is my favorite. Your anger is truth, pure loveliness in the way that you wrote it. I love it so much. I think I'll read more from you based on this poem.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by melancholymaid | [ Reply to This ]
      The agression pours out of it like a tidal wave. The structure points that should be concidered have been allready mentioned so I won't elaborate on those.
    I hope that you liberate your self from this kind of anger because it only leads to acts you will regret sooner or later...trust me on this.

    A great piece!
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Eolendytos | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with edthepoet, this expresses so much and the words are nicely written but it needs to be re-structured, and I think the poem deserves this.

    The lines 5 and six both need an "s" on the end of feels.

    But wonderful expression, keep up the great work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Belle De Jour | [ Reply to This ]
      You wrote a very good poem,but you layout takes away a little from it. However your extremme passion was capture,though is angry passion,which we all o through at times.

    If you repost this poem with a norm type stanza, I think it will get more commens like it deserve.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]

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