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    dots Submission Name: CandyCane Lanedots

    Author: grinninggashes
    ASL Info:    17/f/from sumwhere :)
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 154/124/25
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 819
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790

       I got bored yesterday and decided to write a lil something untill class started..its a little goofy but its a good laugh i guess

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCandyCane Lanedots

    Sour faced love struck Jane,
    took a long walk one day, down CandyCane lane.
    It was there she found two-faced Joe,
    and he told her something she didn't know.
    He said "sex is good and won't make you look so sour"
    So they made love for the next half hour.
    Once they were done she had a big smile,
    "What I liked best was the doggy syle."
    8 months and 22 days later,
    she had a little girl named Taylor.
    All her life she told her to stay away
    from CandyCane lane, so she don't get pregnant one day.
    Then sweet sour little Taylor,
    met a boy named Jason Mayor.
    He did her hard.
    In the backseat of his car
    And the cycle lives on.....on CandyCane lane.

    Submitted on 2005-02-09 10:10:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Haha! This is a cute little poem you have here. Such an interesting title you gave this as well. Yeah, guys will say just about anything to get what they want I guess. haha! The question remains to be told when the baby has been born...do they stick around?? I got a smile reading this one. Simple and cute. take care.

    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      very cute little ditty! reminds me of 'the birth of a candy bar'... that little poem on keychains... and also reminds me of 'the beat goes on' i dunno why... i like how you worded some of the lines, very clever! thanks for the read. *md*
    | Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      wellll this was a good laugh but i couldnt help but to think where did she get this idea from. do you think that sour jane was perhaps a lemon head? lol anyhoo you know i enjoy your posts.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      That is so cute and catchy! Lolfull! Nice job- even if you think itís silly. You can mess with it if you choose lyke suggested below- but if you are happi with it- keep it as is- donít mess it up for someone else. Iím still grinning- that was awesome... Peace, love and Candyland gingerbread men- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with treybur. This was a good poem, and with a little work, it would be a great poem. The were a few lines that felt a little out of place because of the length, but overall, a good write with really good potential.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by elitegundam | [ Reply to This ]
      hm, i like this sour piece. i'm glad the girls here got pregnant too. after all, if you're gonna drop your pants i think you deserve all the consequences. i think maybe they should get rashes also. yeah, throw in some genital warts. maybe then they'll learn that there's a difference between f-ing and "making love". you may call it "making love", but you're really just f-ing. i do like what you have here, and i think it's worth you reworking and fine-tuning. most of your lines are between 8 and 11 syllables, and i think with minor tweaking you could easily establish a meter here.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]

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