Description: I was only writing it just happend to come out this way. I must give credit where credit is due. This poem I wrote about a woman who became my friend and now my love. I wrote this when we were friends about to be something more.
Sketch Artist -------------------------------------------
I am going to give you a simple
description about a person who
revives a feeling I've been missing.
Her addictive smile causes brief amnesia.
Her name makes me excited for no
apparent reason. She is an unconventional
perspective on the way the world works.
We argue back and forth yet a solution
is not unearthed. I admire her wit, such an
educated sense of humor. This is
not a play-by-play more of a cooler.
It is my testimony to the fact, and wait
let my words be exact. That this person
playful, adorable and strong willed, has
revealed secrets that my soul kept
concealed. My closing two lines so that
everything fits; I am not sure what
we are, but I really like it.
i like it but i'm not very moved by it, it lacks a certain flare... it's more of a " yeah.. .this is her... i like her she likes me...and that's it" type thing. u do in spots start to go beyond that, in using heavy wordage--- ex. " Unearthed". otherwise it seems very conventional, and similar to things i've read a hudred types... flow is on point, but once again-- it just seems a bit remake-ish. i don't mean to rank or anything that's just my take--
I really liked this one...it had a strong, yet unique structure and was a simple and honest as any write could be...you didn't waste time with over-detailing or trying to make lines longer you just said what you had to say and it added a very nice effect to it. I am definatly going to be checking out more of your work soon. nice write. peace.
I liked that...I am not sure what we are...but I like it. I am in that position right now. I don't want to call it love...I don't want to call it not love...for it's neither one of those...I like the feeling that I have though. I feel all tingly so to say. As though nothing can bring me down.
This is a lovely expression of your feelings. I like how you have written this one and how you describe all the things that you admire about this woman. It is an interesting little story in your description on how you are friends and it is developing into something more. In my opinion, friendship is always the best way to start out any romance. It allows time to learn about the person as a person before you become intimate with them. It provides more of a chance that the relationship will work. Reading this gave me a smile as I thought it is so very sweet. Nicely written and expressed. Take care.
See the ending was perfect because, you really were hoping it was more then something for her,yet you in your simplistic way acted like you didn't know what you were. In reality you knew you were in love with her, all one need to know this is to read everything before the ending.
No it wasn't truly poetic,but that's what made it cool, you were in that crush teenager mood of love.
I really enjoy it.
Yes, you do need to clean up the poem some and if I were you I would take the time to hone it, it very good.
I liked your arrangement of this piece, it moved along well and the message was sweet but it was difficult to ignore the grammatical license you took. 'Unearth' instead of 'unearthed', 'line' rather than 'lines' and 'She as' instead of 'She is'. If you could take care of at least those little things I think the poem would be better. Of course the ending was a bit of a cop out but it was a light piece and no harm was done. dmm