This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Envy of Death

Author: morte
ASL Info:    17/female/earth
Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 430 /348 /55
Words: 163
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1389
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1089


just a rough draft i threw together...any suggestions (even if they're really harsh) would be greatfully appreciated...

The Envy of Death

You’re regarding me with your angry eyes
Why, don’t you know it's just you in disguise?

Ever since you thought you’d lost all control
You’ve been telling lies and stalking my soul

Smiling while you're refilling my drink
Slipping in a drug so that i can't think

So I can’t move while you rape my life
You’re the one who keeps handing me the knife

Showing me how to decorate the blade
Teaching me my lines in this masquerade

Elegant costumes made of life’s decay
And everyone’s tired of this old play

Everyone’s waiting for this show to end
So we can move on to our next great trend

For living this life we’ve lost our passion
Indifference is the latest fashion

Accessorized by our insanity
Stop being jealous of humanity


Life is a protest, everyone takes a stand
But in the end we’ll all take the Reaper’s hand

Submitted on 2005-02-09 20:13:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  First off, nice picture...very creepy. Also great title.

A couple small things on the poem.

1) there are some minor grammar issues in there that woulnd't hurt to correct:

Why, don’t you know we’re (did you mean "it's"?) just you in disguise?

anyway stuff like that.

2) The ideas presented in this poem are really cool but, and it's easy to do given the aa bb cc format, I felt that in places it was a little too rhymey.

I would just work on trying to find a few more subtle rhymes in there, and less in your face obvious ones.

Anyway thats about it for me.

All input meant to help not offend. Good luck with all you write.

mister fizzle
| Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
  wow... i really don't know what to say to this. i guess it pretty much sums up the inevitability of death...

For living this life we’ve lost our passion
Indifference is the latest fashion

oh yeaaaah. i love being indifferent. that way nothing hurts...
| Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  F*ck! I don't think I could have said it any better! This poem is going into my favorites section! So often am I caught, forced to play conversation with those like these. F*ck I love this poem. For me, it perfectly communicates both the frustration and sympathy for those caught up wearing "elegant costumes made of life's decay"

this poem perfectly captures something I've been feeling for a while, especially with the lines
"Accesorized by our insanity
Stop being jealos of humanity"
I'll say it again!
F*ck I love this poem!
| Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by raincloud | [ Reply to This ]
  hi alex...some people write alot about your poem...i don't...but that doesn't mean it is not good... i think that it is one of your best works... at least i think so... i feel so honored to have such a great poet as a friend...haha...i am serious... this was really good...keep up the good work... i like this one...
| Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?