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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Valentine Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 94/133/31
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 700
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 535



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsValentine Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Time flowing around me.
    Loneliness taking on me.
    Despaire is the only thing I see.
    And I can only be lonely.

    Can't I find love.
    Can't I find hope.
    Love only true love,
    Hope, it'll save me not.

    Only lonelyness around me.
    Only time trying to destroy me.
    Why have you left me?
    Why have you destroy me?

    I can't go on.
    I shall now stop.
    The world make me so numb.
    I can't fight no more.




    Submitted on 2005-02-09 21:02:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you've heard this before, grammer.
    i feel like you're not feeling anything.
    you're just giving out a first reaction to a feeling that should spiral into a thousand other feelings.
    Its like you're scared to admit to a great amount of pain.
    My only advice is to let go of the idea that people are going to judge you on having feelings.
    I think there is great promise in this though...in you.

    tara.marie.
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by taramarie | [ Reply to This ]
      some grammer. other wise i guess it sounded pretty good. nice word choices and I must say good flow, well to me any way. One question though, why such a big picture? I mean here I am and I am about to go and scroll down and then bam in my face a big ol' green fetis floating across my screen, scared te [censored] outta me. Welcome to our little site, if you want some advice, dontread my writing. I hate it so there for I try to spare as man people as possible. Hope you have fun here and you'll like it.
    Kacey
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree, there are some grammer issues. The issues are easily fixable, I would luv to look at it again when it is revised, so please let me know. Aside from that, it was really good.
    And don't worry, you will find love. Don't lose hope, for when you lose hope you lose the desire to look for your love.
    Good job.

    Rain
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      Perhaps the grammer could use some revisions. This has the makings of a good poem, however I found myself looking for the next grammatical error or spelling error. It took away from the meaning you were trying to convey. There is a very good poem here waiting to be cleaned up. I look foward to a revision should you feel it necessary.
    | Posted on 2005-02-09 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      there are some mispelled words here and the word "destroy" i guess should be in the past tense... and the word "make" too...the flow and message is good...thanks for sharing.
    jen
    | Posted on 2005-03-03 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]


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