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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Take Me Homedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: omnipotent
    ASL Info:    17/F/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 82/63/23
    Words: 80
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 784
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 503



    Description:
       Any kind of feedback is appreciated!!! XOXO


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTake Me Homedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Take me home.
    Where the heart is.
    Home.
    Can't stand to explain myself one more time.
    Taking with me only what I can carry.
    My heart in one hand,
    My soul in the other.
    When was breathing an obstacle?
    Line up the greens, blues, and grays and tell me what you see.
    Your eyes go far deeper than mine ever will.
    Restless nights have yet to reveal disclosed information.
    Silence has yet to catch us at our best.





    Submitted on 2005-02-10 09:50:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      everyone seemed to like 'my heart in one hand, my soul in the other' which was good but I liked the last three lines the best:

    'Your eyes go far deeper than mine ever will.
    Restless nights have yet to reveal disclosed information.
    Silence has yet to catch us at our best.'

    although I think it should be undisclosed instead of disclosed. but that's just a little thing. great job.
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a powerful poem and so full of images. I particularly liked the lines: My heart in one hand, My soul in the other. This is a very good write for a poet who is only 16 years old. Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by oixi | [ Reply to This ]
      Your eyes go deeper than mine ever will. I had to read this like three times to begin to get an understanding. This is good stuff. You're only 16? That's dangerous! I like the heart in one hand, the soul in the other. That is indeed all anyone can carry...That's why I care not to add unecessary issue to my life...Good write. Keep doing what ya doing.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      I know this has alreay been said but I really like the part where you wrote.Taking with me only what I can carry.
    My heart in one hand,
    My soul in the other.
    When was breathing an obstacle?.I think this was a great way to expess thyoses emotions.good read keep up the good work.take care,Jamie.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by korn9426 | [ Reply to This ]
      Full of emotion and metaphor, I think it may be your style. You are very talented.
    My heart in one hand
    My soul in the other
    After that it was history
    GREAT!
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]
      Good heartfelt poem. I really liked your descriptions. lines like:
    My heart in one hand,
    My soul in the other.
    really well written.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by elitegundam | [ Reply to This ]
      this was great only suggestion would be to break it down in stansas as well as a little more imagery as you have a great piece this would only make it better maybe try reading poetry or any other i submitted no bad intent given just a thought
    great piece
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


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