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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Orange Sanddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: VanillaLeaves
    Elite Ratio:    4.1 - 101/110/23
    Words: 299
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1006
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1908



    Description:
       this goes back to when I went walking on a beach with my sister at low tied. However a lot of it is other beach memories added in.


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    dotsOrange Sanddots
    -------------------------------------------


    When we walked on the shoreline
    bare foot like goddesses
    making naked footprints in the dream time,
    evening hung heavy on the water
    and pressed the remaining fragments
    of afternoon light into the ground
    staining the wet sand orange.

    As we wandered you found a battered box of crayons
    damp and fading in a tide pool.
    Only the red and yellow remained in the box
    And their colors seeped together
    Leaving streak of orange of the wet sand.

    We came to an old jetty
    left on the beach as the see leaked out,
    dripping towards the moon.
    we perched on the dry rocks
    letting our toes grip the barnacles
    and burrowing our fingers
    into the sandy indents of stones
    worn smooth with the caress of wind and water.

    Beneath us the crabs scuttled
    slipping into shrinking pools.
    We watched those salt water sages,
    mystics of dried foam and crushed sea weed.
    We tried to read the marks
    made by their sideways steps
    in the damp mounds of sand, but gave up
    as the orange light faded out.

    It was I, who found tiny shells,
    translucent arcs imbedded in the sand.
    that whispered of a former life
    below the dark folds of water.
    We gathered them in out hands
    until our palms were marked
    with white crescents of pinched skin.
    We held our finds to the sky,
    Trying to press out our own constellations.
    Standing there we wondered if
    the night would yield to our touch
    like wet sand.

    At last we followed the sinking path of sunlight
    out into the waves
    until the damp cadence of the sea
    drummed on out knees with salt
    and the last rays of orange
    were pressed into our skin.




    Submitted on 2005-02-10 11:36:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ahhh, my "one beautiful poem a day" hit.
    Stunningly real and wondrous descriptions, dragging me down onto the beach as a silent observer to two girls in the late afternoon.
    Once again you have a recurring theme, orange, in all its forms, I can't fault it.
    I'm sure I'll find one of your poems soon that I can criticize, but it's not this one.
    Another five stars *****

    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-06-12 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      You've captured the beach very beautifully. I felt like I was right there beside you and it brought me back to many of my favorite times on the beach. Some of my favorite descriptions: "letting our toes grip the barnacles", "sandy indents of stones", "white crescents of pinched skin" all of these just jumped out at me for some reason, maybe because I can really visualize them.
    I love the last stanza, my favorite part is "and the last rays of orange pressed into our skin" It seems like the sun imprinted on your skin just like the memory was imprinting on your mind.
    I think you have something really special here, what a great memory and very well-written poem.
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by lulukillface | [ Reply to This ]
      what a beautiful memory. i write all my nostalgia poetry about the beach. Orange is an interesting color to pick out of all the colors of the sunset, most people love to talk about the reds, but i like orange. the part about rocks getting smoothed out by the caress of wind and water is really clever, something is caressing but rough enough to scrap off bits of rock. very interesting this one.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]
      I have a deep fascination for the ocean so I found this poem very moving. Many people have written about the sea but few have really captured its wonders. Yours does so…with original lines such as ‘that whispered of a former life below the dark folds of water.” I think the reoccurrence of the colour orange takes away from the originality of the title. I would change it to something else but I’m not quite sure what yet. Other than that, this work was very well done.
    Rubi
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]


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