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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the under worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: peach_tequilla
    Elite Ratio:    4.17 - 21/24/10
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 334
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 957



    Description:
       i wrote this in 2003. not sure when. it kinda just came to me. i duno why


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe under worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    twisted souls demented thought
    tortured by what hell hath brought
    cronic feelings building to the point where such
    erupt from one, the devils touch
    pain scortched deep, through skin and bone
    kissed by death, now all alone
    first life was fine, but it then die
    and so embrased from satins cry
    emotions yanked from deep inside
    crushed and scatterd far and wide
    body lifeless, lies at piece
    and soul devoured from darkness feast
    stale cold air surrounds in a crush
    and soul falls through the fires rush
    entraped in hatred, fearand screams
    cutting through byfire beems
    dominated by hopelessness,
    encaptured by the noise
    billions of restless souls stuck as lucifers toys
    anger cuts throught the air
    peircing tension and dispare
    real lifes now overhave no care
    for time shall now pass only, aseternity in hell




    Submitted on 2005-02-10 11:37:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      ahh this has satisfied my demon fix for the day. brilliantly fiery, vivid and tense. good sense of rhyme and liberty of word that allows the reader to read it and make sense of it as they like (dont know if that was intentional..). i didn't like the word 'stuck' in 'billions of restless souls stuck as lucifers toys,' its not as dramatic as the rest of the poem. 'doomed,' 'tormented,' or maybe 'fated' would be a pleasing replacement though...thanks i enjoyed this. you have a unique way of ordering your words.
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by infernal_rose | [ Reply to This ]
      heh- heh- you said ‘chronic’ - heh... Sorry- just drunk- nice rhyming pattern used here- very easy to read out loud and smooth to myne eyes. Kudos to you and sorry about that tat/ex-boi experience. Tyme, it makes fools of us all... Peace, love and candied cans- ~#6-
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way you write 'emotions yanked' it really captures the forcefulness of their extraction. I think you could make other parts fresher. I also like the way you start with no punctuation, I think readers will prefer to read raw poems their own way so you should maybe lose the punctuation throughout.

    Speacenik.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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