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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unwelcomed Changedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 967



    Description:
       (**edited by rain cloud.**)
    to Natalie, you will probably never read this, and it's probabaly for the best since you came to visit and already had a bf--eh we had our moment I suppose!-I kinda feel ripped off!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnwelcomed Changedots
    -------------------------------------------


    It's a kiss,
    I now miss,
    it never lasts.
    Just something else
    to chalk up in the past.
    I know I'm lazy,
    I know I'm kinda lame.
    It's crazy but it wouldn't phase me,
    if you didn't share this pain.
    For that one moment,
    time seemed in slow motion.
    Now it's taking its toll.
    I feel the claws as it grabs a hold.
    Now, your replacement I cling to.
    A bottle in my hand trying to forget I met you.
    The night our fingers let go.
    Your eyes said You knew what I know.
    Silence was all we could convey.
    Now, just a moment we'll look back on some day.
    For now, I choke on my sorrow.
    and tomorrow, more of the same
    What can I say?
    Love..
         it merely fades away.


    lamemansterms




    Submitted on 2005-02-10 14:46:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Man, why do I always pick your stuff that hits on my experiences??? It's a very relatable subject, again I have to criticize myself as well be saying that it's an overused subject. I hate saying it, but it's the truth. I like how you gave light to the "replacement", as much as people want to deny that it happens, it does. You said that I could amount to something??? look at you. You're not as lame as you think you are.
    ~Jess
    | Posted on 2005-03-21 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont know what it is, the simple language which gets me, i really like that. The only part i was wary of was the final lines, it just seemed not quite the same level as the rest of the poem. Other than that it brought out the idea of perhaps that kind of kiss you share with an ex which you both know shouldnt be happening but it does and everything feels so right and wrong and now im rambling on... thanks for sharing
    ellisa
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by ellisa | [ Reply to This ]
      Two errors I found, line 2 and line 14

    In line two, it just says "I know miss"
    Looks like it should be "I know I will miss"
    If, on the other hand, it is meant as "miss" like "madam", then it needs to be capiltolized and have a comma. "I know, Miss"

    In line fourteen it says

    "Now, you're replacement I cling to."

    It should either say

    "Now, YOUR replacement I cling to." or

    "Now you're THE replacement I cling to."

    oh and, nice poem overall. I liked reading it.

    raincloud
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by raincloud | [ Reply to This ]
      this is actually pretty sad. sometimes its hard to accept change. like feeling like the world has left you behind because everything went and changed on ya against your wishes.
    there are some lines that i really do like in this.
    The Night Our Fingers Let Go is my favorite i have to say. usually you see something like hearts letting go or souls turning their different ways. that was a pretty fresh way of saying you split up. i think on the first line its suppose to say It's A Kiss I Now Miss instead of Know.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
      hey i really really liked this! oh so many times that these feelings are repeated! i loved this:

    Just something else
    to chalk up in the past

    i see the longing and desperation in this piece, and it's not an oh woe as me write. i did enjoy this!
    -nikki
    | Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice poem here. And I think I understand it. It's like at first your sad and dont reallycare if she feels the same pain as you. Right now your replacing her with alcohol to forget and move on. And your remenisce of when she left and you will always rememer this as it hurts you inside. When my friend left thats when I completely lost it and suprised my parents didn't notice. I tried very hard to not show it. I replaced her with drugs so I would no have to think. Every time I did drugs was so that I could just for one moment not analyse something. To just be free of thoughts. this was good. -james
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      i kinda like the rhyme pattern you got going here.

    And this line "Now, you're replacement I cling to.
    A bottle in my hand trying to forget I met you" i like that to. It makes me think about how i used to drink for foolish reasons. Escapism.

    "Untill I start to welcome a change,
    without you I'll remain"

    I like the ending, really sums up the piece well.

    I wonder if this poem is about a last kiss two people shared in parting, maybe a couple that just broke up or something, saying a final painful goodbye? I don't know. Maybe with a little explination i could read it again and better understand what's going on. anyway thans for posting it.
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by spoken | [ Reply to This ]


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