gasoline by snacky fish

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Submission Name: gasoline dots

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Author:	snacky fish
ASL Info:	25/male/FL
Elite Ratio:	3.54 - 290/421/87
Words:	148

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	407
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	922

Description:
ya i am a little jaded lately.

gasoline dots

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1 gallon of gasoline
I got it just for you
Please don't look at me like that
This hurts me as much as it hurts you

Please close your eyes
And think of the good times
I'm ignoring those teary eyes
Saying "i love you", so many times

Gasoline runs through the colors of your hair
Into the eyes my eyes used to stare
The eyes that once made my heart so meek
Crying as the makeup runs down your cheek

Gasoline runs past your swollen lips
Down that beautiful neck I used to kiss
Staining your shirt, running between your tits
I can't believe it has all come to this

Please hush and pleas stop crying
When I said "I love you", I was never lying
Turning my head wondering if this is fair
I slowly toss a match into the air

Submitted on 2005-02-10 23:11:08 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Yea that was a bit scary for me. but it was a excellent write and I enjoyed it. it kept me wanting to reach the end to find out what happened. I really really like this. Even tho it was morbid. But I am sure it was to symoblize your love for this person. That is all gone up in the smoke. Great job Loved it.
| Posted on 2005-04-19 00:00:00 | by ThatWasOnceMe | [ Reply to This ]
  nah, you did a great job. it read a little choppy to me, but that's good...this is not a smooth situation. good poetry all around. i enjoyed it, it's cool, it's entertaining, everything fits, and it's open-ended which i love. um, oh yeah, last verse, first line, you're missing an "e" in please...word.
| Posted on 2005-04-06 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
  Whoa. The essence of it,the story it tells - twisted but terrific!
But the changing rhyming schemes sort of threw me off,although I didn't realize it till the 2nd read coz the flow was good.
Also,a tiny spelling mistake - 'stair' instead of 'stare'.
All in all a good one.
| Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
  See, I lyked thys more than your other works. It was just, all around better to me. Stair = stare in the 3rd stanza... Unless that was some metaphysical, astral projection joke... Peace, love and upsydedown cats w/ hangnails... ~#6-
| Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by Six_Grey | [ Reply to This ]
  I am sorry to hear that you are hurting,I know that so sucks. I am glad to see you rather write your revenge than actually hurt her,bravo

Once can truly feel your pain big time in this poem along with wanting her not find happiness without you.

You have some strong line,but you did mixed in some cliché that bring the poem down just a tad.

Good write especially since u are hurting
| Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  eh....
It has potential ...Some of the descriptions were really smooth ....But then some other stuff just seemed like it was chucked in there ...I guess ive been spoilt with ghost II now ...I know when you are putting your heart into something ...This is an alright poem ...But it's just not ...you :)
| Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by Krysti | [ Reply to This ]

HELLO...
I really enjoyed this one...
How horribly twisted yet so lovely to read.
it is like a weight lifted off my chest as I read this.
I wish I would have checked this one out earlier.
"Gasoline runs past your swollen lips
Down that beautiful neck I used to kiss"
This was my favorite lines...
I could picture the whole thing in my head.
the only thing i didn't care for was the tits part...
I don't know...tits isn't very poetic...
but the rest fits the mood like a glove.
Good work with this piece.

| Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]

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