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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Gray Flowerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 124
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 861
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 691



    Description:
       I just thought I might as well submit some of the stuff from my recent journals. I have no idea of how to categorize this.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Gray Flowerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You handed me an odd, ugly gray flower; you said you picked it up on the moon in 1139 (A.D., of course). I said, "Geez, you're drunk and reading WAY too much Vonnegut." You flashed me a cute, drunken smile. I decided the bloom (using the term very loosely) was supposed to be blue, but somehow it failed. You read my mind and said, "It's supposed to be blue like you. You're pink on the outside and blue inside." I felt both sad and androgynous. I pressed it inside of Slaughterhouse Five and pull it out from time to time and think about how ugly it is; it's still misshapen and gray, but I smile because it's tethered to your beauty in my mind.




    Submitted on 2005-02-10 23:47:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like the ending and the content of this little prose piece. but it's a bit static as you start almost all your sentences with either 'I' or 'you'. 'you did this and then I did this...'
    that's my only complain. besides that it is a really good piece. you should post more of your journal entries. I miss you on xanga.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the nostalgic feeling I got reading this. :) It's amazing how one thing, such as a gray flower, can bring such feelings. This write suggests that you were torn between feeling flattered or feeling upset. Is the fact that he said it was supposed to be blue like you on the inside mean that he thinks that you are sad on the inside? *I'm using you, not meaning you, but in general ;)* That's what I felt from it. I love the fact that you put it in Slaughterhouse Five - again the contradictory feelings. So much is represented through this piece. I really enjoyed it and the last line is the best. Great job!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a sweet little piece... i like the snaps back to reality you slipped in there... 'You flashed me a cute, drunken smile' and '(using the term very loosely)'... those were cute... and the fact that he's attempting to be romantic even in his altered state is adorable... And the way he makes up for the sickly gray flower by saying it's supposed to be blue is so cute it makes me stick my lip out! boys are so good at making us like them... even when they're jackasses... *sigh* nice write- *md*
    | Posted on 2005-02-12 00:00:00 | by MerryDeath | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really out there and different. it reminded me of a Deftones song "RX Queen"...at least i think that's the title. weirdly romantic in that it's not what you're used to but still so strong. i like it. i love short prose type pieces, like snapshots.
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by joe quinn | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting little piece. i read slaughterhouse 5 ages ago. i like the way you integrate it into the story here. you going to do anything with this?
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa, this actually made me shiver, even though it's not the kind of stuff I'm into, usually. It's got a very personal coding, and I really like how one's got to figure it out to be able to understand the prose. It's very personal and I guess that's its best feature; you're stripping off all your poise to show what this means to you. Great stuff.
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this, -it has your hallmark oddball stamp on it, and is enjoyable to read. I like prose where there is a dialogue going on and at the same time we are allowed "into" one of their heads.

    The ugly little bloom (using the term very loosely) ( I liked that) at first seems a strange token of affection, but once explained by the giver, you treasure it in between the pages, and derive pleasure remebering the moment, the conversation, and the giver himself."but I smile because it's tethered to your beauty in my mind." That was an extremely gorgeous, poetic statement, and after all the dialogue and quirkiness, the heart of the matter.
    I giggled at how the gray flower, a mixture of pink and blue, (there's your art training again)-made you feel androgynous. Maybe it's just me, but i thought that was profoundly hysterical (if there is such a state)
    Thanks Ms Cobb
    Silver
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I love, "it's tethered to your beauty in my mind." the ugly gray flower is a symbol of beauty, even though it's universally understood beauty is not apparent. I like this theme because we assign the importance
    and characteristics we treasure to those we love. How could it be otherwise?
    I think you're a science-fiction romance writer, Miss Amy, beam me up.
    I like this one before and still do. thanks.
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      i have read this before, haven't i? it sure is different. should it be "somehow it faded" instead of "failed"? maybe not. i love the line "I felt both sad and androgynous." i know what you mean, but i can't explain it! no matter how ugly, something that someone you love gives you is always going to be beautiful in yours eyes. that's love! this is an interesting little snippet into your quirky mind, which i love by the way!! the world needs more quirks like you!
    | Posted on 2005-02-10 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


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