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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "(Home Sweet) ALONE"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 559



    Description:
       You figure it out!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"(Home Sweet) ALONE"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Constricted
    and afflicting
    I'm addicted
    to the pain- it's sickening.
    it comes and goes
    heavanly scent
    then its under side shows.
    grasps around your throat
    you gasp,
    you begin to choke.
    you reach for this nuse
    but truth cant lose
    not to abuse.
    No stronger meaning
    than within this silent screaming.
    Again I walk this road alone.
    Again I must do this on my own.

    ------I/I--------!---------I<-----------c=-----------------




    Submitted on 2005-02-11 14:24:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was good. I dont know what you were trying to draw at the end under your poem. Anyways, I know this feeling all too well. I do se how we suffer from the same thing. Over analyzing everything in life. I do it all the time even when I hang out with people. This poem I think is about being alone like normal and bored off your mind. The same routine thing over and over again. Just wanting it to end you think bad thought of suicide and drugs to make it all go away. It's hard but im getting through it little by little hoping it will end. -james
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one, it's hella true. I like how you say,
    I'm addicted
    to the pain-
    it's sickening.
    it comes
    and it goes
    heavanly scent
    I feel that. good writting here I'll read more later.
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by jermwerm | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow... I don't get it at all but I really feel bad that you only have one comment at the end of the recents!

    So, I'm going to try. I really am.

    So... I have an idea for the structure. I think it'd be really good if it was just a kind of choppy structure. Here's my suggestion:

    Constricted
    and afflicting
    I'm addicted
    to the pain-
    it's sickening.
    it comes
    and it goes
    heavanly scent
    then under side shows.
    Grasps around your throat
    you gasp,
    you begin to choke.
    you reach for this nuse
    but truth cant lose
    not to abuse.
    No stronger meaning
    than within
    this silent screaming.
    Again I walk
    this road alone.
    Again I must do this
    on my own.

    So wow, I like that. Just a suggestion. I think the choppy structure represents choppy confused thoughts, but the "on my own." at the end completes it.

    Hoped I helped.

    -Brooke QC
    | Posted on 2005-02-11 00:00:00 | by Quiet Clamor | [ Reply to This ]


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