Description: it's been a year since the one i thought i loved left me.
this is weak and needs a lot of work
please help...
over you -------------------------------------------
i want to be over you
i want again to be free
i want to know happiness
i want to be proud of me
i'm tired of helplessness
i hate who i have become
you made me this ugly thing
you left me here all alone
a year has passed
and not much changed
my life still hurts
with all the same pains
i'm struggling through this now
i lost the battle and the war
another nameless casualty
with not much to live for
i want to be over you
i want again to be free
i want to know happiness
i want to be proud of me
i'm tired of helplessness
i hate who i have become
you made me this ugly thing
you left me here all alone
i want to not care so much
i want to start my life anew
i want to breathe easily
i want to be over you
Nothing worse than getting stuck in the rut. I don't think this is your strongest write by a longshot, but the principal is there. It does work better as a poem, without the repetition of the first stanza. It's far too basic to be considered much of a song. Unless of the worst Country and Western variety
I like the honesty of the piece, but I would long to see more depth in it. Pain, fair enough, but this piece is not standing above the other "He buggered off and left me here to suffer" poetry out on this site.
I always like a piece that examines the relationship. Every one is unique, which makes it all the more surprising that this particular type of poem is similar.
I'm afraid I may be getting jaded. Keep it up though, some of your others are magic.
This is a well written poem. Your emotion that you described is very in depth. I would recommend,however, that you come up with a catchier title or something. Good job though.
i liek thsi poem alot ..i think alot of people can relate to these types of poems over all i think this was realy well written other than "another nameless casualty" it fits the poem nicly but it's used try sothing liek another fall of death without a name, im not sure im nto superb at this ..anways good write keep them coming
I really like this poem. It just seems so true. I know it hurts to be left...but once you get over it you will be really happy. I mean i'm only 13 but i really do know how it feels to be left...maybe not as much as you, but it hurts. It takes a long time to get over someone, as you showed in this poem. You have a way with writing and it is great. For ideas with this peom i have none. I think it is great the way it is...but hey what to i know. much love to ya mikki
Submission Name: over you
