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I sat there by the Fire

Author: Medieval Aztec
ASL Info:    20/M/IL
Elite Ratio:    4.85 - 44 /40 /8
Words: 315
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1237
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1815


I really dont know I just got done writing it. I guess its one of those pieces were you write and cant stop writing. I really dont know where it came from.

I sat there by the Fire

As I sat there by the fire
With its beams warm and bright
I contemplate my life. Oh dire
A life with never a good night
The mind a spiraling emotion
Could not fully comprehend that night
A night that I was fully tired
A night that choose my destinys fight
I sat there with the guns loaded tention
Trigger ready to fire
Knowing full well my life might expire
Yet despite the situation
I had a conversation with myself
The kind of talk that only one can share with Ones self
God I said, is there no kind man at heart
I waited for a reply which sadly
Did not come at the start
I hate this life for I am kind
Yet this place is to cruel a world
For to kind a heart
And have seen what no kind man should see
Like the rape of the world
And her horrible indecency
But thats just me
Who knows what other tragic storys
The world has to offer
Yet I dont want to hear about it nor will I bother
This gun so horribly stares at me
Like a villian
Ready for another killing
But oh Mighty Lord to you I must confess
I want to live
I want to live from this horrible mess
I want to see my family
Oh Lord
I want to see my family, once again happy
I want to dance, I want to sing
I want to live to see another Spring
But Evil lurks inside
And taints the soul
When its easy to find
Forced its will on me that time
But destiny fought it off
To write this rhyme
Now I say to you my Lord
What should I do
Or live with you
And what happened next?
My Lord answerd

Submitted on 2005-02-12 04:04:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  You know what? I wouldn't change a thing.
This is what happens at some point in life. Wrestling with the fear that the world is too cruel a place to withstand the agony. I completly and totally understand.
(As I sat there by the fire
With its beams warm and bright
I contemplate my life.)
I like the start, it gives a very descriptive picture of the room you must have sat in time and time again. Watching warm ambers burn while the enemy tries to take over your emotion.
Loaded gun sitting at the ready but this is not the ending you truly want. Just an escape from the humm drumm that you have been living. A change of life, scene and or attitude.

Then your senses come to you and you do talk with yourself finding later that the thought so hedious has passed as all things do.
Wonderful write there kiddo! Way to pour out your true emotion. Keep giving of your thoughts and I will keep reading.

Live and Love Life...
| Posted on 2005-03-24 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
  Some verse breaks would make this less intimidating.
I don't think the rhyme helps much. Meter is better than rhyme, I think. Rhyme is distracting and usually sounds corny, unlike meter, which gives it a consistent pulse.
The problem here is you have no strong images. You state your life philosophy, which the reader should be able to infer from the poem's content, plot, images, and their conotations.
| Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by Rokhal | [ Reply to This ]

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