taptaptaptap-taptaptap-taptap-tap(fast as Rain
Light That sweet curve
on steel oaken snake rearing in a white bucket
Inhuman or a skink clamped to my thumb
cold his curling gloss-black tail
Intelligence mucoid sheen of rabbit ribs
of under a sun-cured shell
Mine but I never retch.
to I hear the rattle of claws on grates
kill death, not birds
I bare my blunt teeth in a tablespoon
dream liquid curves, perfection
Hear the claws
but it is only rain.
| Your layout is once again daring and unrestrained. I loved the statement in your description that "we all want to be crazy..." which I think might be the most honest, unassuming statement I've ever read regarding the human imagination. |
I think Shanu got pretty close to what this is about so refer to his (her?) comment for my analysis.
|| Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ] || i enjoy the different kind of lay out you used but i really don't understand where it's coming from but i guess thats the point but i do like it! I would like to read a few more by you now though! pan||| Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by pandora22 | [ Reply to This ] || wow.. I experimented with some weird layout similar to this.. |
this was good though.. the left side was kindof the alien i think.. And the right side was you or your imagination..
um this is just my guess but, im thinking.. that.. this is just one of those random processes of thought that goes through your head sometimes.. (especially someone with a big imagination) like when your sitting at the breakfast table.. and you hear some noises on the roof.. ionstantly your mind just goes into overdrive and conjures up all these images.. could it be any alien? could it be a bird? could it be rain?.. then your conciousness kicks in and you figure out its only rain.. (or is it?)
This was cool.. and different.. you described the alien well.. when I think of aliens I always think of "the" alien (the movie) thats modern culture for you.. but your alien made me imagine the same type of alien.. *shiver*
"game over man.. game over"
|| Posted on 2005-06-24 00:00:00 | by shanu | [ Reply to This ] || Not grossed out, but fascinated by your word play and your experimentation with layout. Your poem is like the finger exercises a young pianist undertakes in order to play the great symphonies later in her life.||| Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ] || I think this is a very interesting form of layout and it is interesting to read. At first I thought well this is gonna be kinda strange to read, but after all it is an alien dream. |
So considering that, I think it is constructed very well and is a good work.
I do think this is a first for me to see one written in this fashion.
I don't know what it is about this site but, seems like there a lot of people that like to look and possibly read but just can't bring themselves to comment. Sad in a way I think.
I enjoyed reading your poem,
Keep it up...
|| Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ] || I like what you did with th elayout of this piece although I am not to sure what you are talking about. I read this poem after I saw your message on the shoutbox page. I can't relate because I don't understand it. It made me feel like some sort of vampire type ritual was going on. Not a big fan of gothic writings.||| Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ] |