Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: No One Knowsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: unclear-fantasy
    ASL Info:    18/f/in my head
    Elite Ratio:    4.98 - 52/55/19
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 970
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 838



    Description:
       I wrote this a long time ago. I think it is pretty self explanatory. Tell me what you get from it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo One Knowsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My mind is racing,
    so many things to think,
    so many things to say,
    but which ones are right?
    No one knows.

    There're so many ways to go,
    I can't decide which route to take.
    Who knows which way I'll turn,
    And where I'll end up?
    No one knows.

    A fork in the road,
    Left or right.
    Both paths can change the ending,
    Which direction should I head?
    No one knows.

    So many hard choices
    how can I decide
    when each could be so drastic?
    Where are the final destinations?
    No one knows.

    I need to make a decision,
    But I don't know what I want out of this.
    Though, no matter which I do choose,
    I will meet my destination.
    I know.




    Submitted on 2005-02-12 22:59:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I am going through old poems without comments. I understand the feeling of having pieces of my soul ignored.

    I like where you are going with this. I like the repetition of "knows" in each verse.

    Those are such strong points, perhaps each should be separated as its own verse of one line.

    I think "My mind is racing" seems cliché. It kind of gets me off on the wrong foot.

    Just a suggestion but maybe something like

    so many things to think,
    so many things to say,
    but which ones are right?
    Which will win the race in my mind?

    I hope you've made some good choices since you wrote this.

    Thanks for sharing the process.
    | Posted on 2005-06-05 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    46590

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry