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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Volunteered Slavedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: majinkenshinamv
    ASL Info:    20/M/Vegas
    Elite Ratio:    7.28 - 70/50/13
    Words: 330
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Sorry
    Total Views: 1192
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2128



    Description:
       This is the first song I ever wrote, now if you wanna talk about old here it is, haha. So anyways give me all you got, whether you wanna nitpick or comment, I'm cool with whatever. I actually wrote this out of the perspective of a close friend of mine that died in a car accident in memorial to him. Crazy as that sounds this is what turned out.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVolunteered Slavedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Verse 1
    Have you forgotten
    Those things you said to me?
    I wonder if you
    Meant them at all.

    I would have told you
    How much they meant to me,
    But it seems I
    Donít have the balls.
    I barely even
    got to know you,
    but I think about you
    everyday.

    Thereís so much
    That I wanted to show you,
    but then you had to
    get away
    Öfrom me.

    Chorus 1
    I canít stop thinking about you,
    Why wonít you get out of my head!?

    This is what my thoughts amount to,
    I wish I could take back what I said!

    Verse 2
    Do you remember
    Those things I said to you?
    Remember how I told you
    that they were all lies?

    Well, the truth is that
    The lies were lies too,
    And I hate myself
    When I look in your eyes!

    Chorus 2
    I wonít stop thinking about you,
    And I wonít let you get away!

    If you would just listen
    To what I have to say
    Then perhaps you could forgive me!

    -Bridge-
    Forgive me! X2

    I know that I have to move on without you,
    but it hurts so damn badlyÖ

    Chorus 3
    I have to stop thinking about you,
    Please get out of my head!

    I know Iíll never get you back,
    So I have to let this torment end!

    Final Verse
    Now that you're gone,
    I can move on!
    Let this pain end,
    Thatís been hurting so long!

    Now that you're gone,
    I can move on!
    Others still need me
    So I have to be strong!

    Now that you're gone,
    I can move on!
    Let this pain end,
    Thatís been hurting so long!

    Now that you're gone,
    I can move on!
    Let this pain end,
    Thatís been hurting so long!

    Now that you're gone,
    I can move on!
    Fuck this shit
    And I'm through with this song!




    Submitted on 2005-02-13 13:33:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Now that your gone,
    to:
    Now that you're gone,

    Just a minor grammatical crap that I have the deeper issues of noticing. It's one of those unneeded bumps on the road, get rid of them and the ride will be smoother.

    Again,
    Suven
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty swell dude! I liked several concepts here. Here are some of them:
    Well, the truth is that
    The lies were lies too,
    ***Hahaha...wow, I've done that, but could never word it right. I find now that it is so easy reading it from your writing. I think it sucks that we lie about the truth, and that lie was originally suppose to be for the good, but then later, you have to admit it's falsehood because it didn't turn out so good afterall***
    Others still need me
    So I have to be strong!
    ***This is a cool thought. Moving, movin' on up!***
    The ending kinda ...frik'd me out. Jolted my read. It was nice with a 'word' here and there, but I would've thought the ending would be nicer, you know? Just my personal thing.
    Intriguing Titles too...I notice.

    Viva
    Suven
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this a lot, honestly I do. I think it is very well written. It reminds of someone and somethings we had said to one another. I love your use of words. I love how I was able to feel the emotion in the song as I read it. Very good write. I look forward to reading more.
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by EL | [ Reply to This ]
      This felt quite personal to me as my little girls father was killed due to a drunk driving incident. I grappled and still grapple with alot of these themes. I go back over the conversations and interchanges we had, especially just before the accident, I feel guilty. There was even a time that I felt guilty for being alive still. I had to be strong for the sake of our daughter, I couldn't shrivel up like I would've liked. It's like a fight in your head that you just can't win, but I like to know that he is around me everywhere and he can hear me tell him the healing things that I should've said before he was gone. If you can forgive yourself you can be whole again, because I promise you, he has forgiven you. Great job- Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]


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    46658

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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