"Just rip the bandaid off!
It will only hurt for a second,
then the pain will go away."
That's what you always told me,
so why didn't that work?
I ripped you out of my life,
out of my heart.
One quick pull,
but the pain didn't stop.
It pulls back at me.
It wraps up my heart
and suffocates my love
for everything that is truly good.
You're like a scab
that won't heal.
A festering wound.
Gangrene of my soul.
A scar that will never fade.
Ahhh Where's the Neosporin for Love?
| I had favored an older post of yours "Don't" sometime back and was wondering what else you've posted since then...After reading this I'm left to wonder why I haven't followed your postings more often than not...You have an orginal way of putting muse to poetry...and in this day of Elite that's a rare quality.|
There is nothing on this piece to critique so you get one "good job" from me...
Elite's Ghetto Ballerina
|| Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ] || You know, I think I liked this one. There was something about it... I just don't know. I think the word might be potential, I keep reading it over and over, trying to figure out a way to improve it (not saying that I, in some way am better than you, and that I know better how to express the emotions YOU are feeling, merely that I wish to give you poetic advice... again, not saying you NEED it, because you don't, just... I'll shut up now) But, really I liked the way this one felt. Kinda, modern speech, a good escape from all of the thee's and thou's all over this site (not saying they're bad, just... a bit monotonous, not to mention laborious... as I'm sure this comment is getting to read...) |
Gangrene of my soul... I really liked that line. It expresses so much hurt in so few words... and then we get to that bit about the last line. Now, my poems (at least my newer ones) don't usually contain the NAME of the poem, merely due to the fact that the TITLES of my poem hold some obscure meaning that is somehow the key to unlocking the meaning of the poem... not saying this is in order here, but the last line just doesn't flow right, somehow. I don't know what I'm trying to say here, and I'm sure you'll be oh-so-pleased that I've wasted this much of your time, and not given you any pointers, I just... I like this poem... but it needs something... and I don't know what it is. In any case, here's to a good, original write. *raises glass*
P.S. - Neosporin is that funny ointment stuff that you rub on your joints and stuff to relieve arthritis, right? I know it's some sort of cream compound... something... I'm shutting up now. Good night.
|| Posted on 2005-03-13 00:00:00 | by Aphotic Sunrise | [ Reply to This ] || excellent and unique piece of work. deadndreaming told me to check you out (even though I may have read some of your stuff before) and I'm glad he did. I really liked this poem. keep writing and I'll keep reading.||| Posted on 2005-03-08 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ] || Okay, so the more I read of your stuff, the more I am beginning to see that you are going through the thing that I am soon to go through. Doesnt having a "best friend" of the opposite sex suck a$$? I know, I know, not until its over.|
Okay, well, what I found odd about this poem is that my best friend (male) and I have actually had conversations about how it will end, when it will end, and the inevitability of both. He says he would prefer to fade away, and I have actually said to him, "Quick, like a bandaid". So when I read this poem I thought, damn, I totally get this, but more importantly I wanted you to know, if I am correct in my interpretations, that you are not the only one that is or has been through this. Thank you for putting my thoughts onto your page, even if you never knew you did it ;)
|| Posted on 2005-03-14 00:00:00 | by pinurplepassion | [ Reply to This ] || That actaully reminds me of a time when I was jumping over a wall, and instead of actually clearing it I caught the brick edge to the knee cap and then feel straight on the corner with my ribs, it cut my relaxed muscles opened and gave me stress line fractures along my ribs.. It was.. painful especially stitching it in the parking lot, and then changing the bandages daily. Actually the best way to get away from someone isn't to use the step down program, it is the best to just tear the part of them and chuck it away. It hurts like hell, but then again you don't have this problem which is the person eating away at what is necessary. Never feel said for something that no longer is. |
I liked the way your wrote this, in a terrible way. I'm sure I might be able to relate.
|| Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by Das_Ein_Sinender | [ Reply to This ] || You say that the last line doesn't fit, but i only half agree. I think that it would fit better if there was a gap between it and the rest of the poem, just a line, then it would seem like a comment on the poem, a separate though, reflecting on the poem. Just a suggestion. This is a nice little poem, it has all the usual good things, it just doesn't go anywhere because it is so self-contained, i can't see a carry-on. In some ways this is good because its such a sweet little poem and well written for the topic that anything else would ruin it, yet it lacks something bold. It's a nice enough thought the last time, and fits well, it just seems a little unspectaluar, perhaps i'm wrong...|
Hmm... a little average i think.
|| Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by Fifi | [ Reply to This ] |