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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Usdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Kitty
    ASL Info:    14/F/Vermont
    Elite Ratio:    2.51 - 23/29/12
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 814
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 941



    Description:
       It's not my best. Even I know that. What could help me improve this? Any feedback is good feedback.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm waiting for you
    I've been waiting for a while
    It's okay though
    I understand

    As long as I know your out there
    I can wait
    Your just like me
    And that's what I need

    Your lost
    Your tired
    Your empty
    Your hurt

    Your not really lost
    Your just misplaced
    I'm here and ready when you are

    I promise when you come
    You can sleep
    You can rest
    And I'll care for you

    I'll fill you with love
    With passion
    I'll make you whole
    Complete

    I'll fix everything that's broken
    I'll heal your wounds
    You'll have the scars
    But I do too

    We are the same person
    We fit together perfectly
    All we need is each other
    We just don't know it yet




    Submitted on 2005-02-13 16:19:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Thanks so much for the constructive critism. It always helps. I'll look it over and make changes. Bad sucky poem (gotta say that if i wanna post this).
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Kitty | [ Reply to This ]
      I've never seen your best. But that was pretty good. I think maybe you should change that to a song, because it's got a lyrical flow to it. It was a decent write, but it just didn't really hit home. Maybe more metaphores, something unique. That just seemed a little routine. Like, what everyone is writing about. I think I do the same thing though. I guess it's an area where we both can improve on . Other then that though, the poem was very good.

    So am I
    Your not really lost
    Your just misplaced
    I'm here and ready when you are

    The so am I in that kind of...bleh. It ruins it a bit, lose it and it'll be that much better.
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by Blaith Hawthen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    46674

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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