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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tickling New Territorydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 827
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 353



    Description:
       Well, I guess this fits for Valentine's Day. If you can think of a better title, let me know. It's about kissing and just kissing, and I mean mouth kissing too.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTickling New Territorydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Our tongues touch
    like synchronized swimmers
    as they trade mouths
    tickling new territory.
    I feel like Jacques Cousteau
    exploring your depths.
    We smooch like kissing fish,
    but sadly we have to come up for air,
    then we share a giggle and a smile
    and I invite you to take another dive.




    Submitted on 2005-02-13 20:19:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A sweet poem, very nice. One of those poems that makes you feel all warm inside when you read it. You have such a great natural ability to use imagery, it really is something amazing and unique. You are an exceptional writer and I hope you go far. I know a lot of writers on here write as a hobby or to express themselves, I myself am one. Can i ask if you write professionally?
    Sarah
    | Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
      As usual, you made me tingle as I read your incredible description of such a private and sensual act, and, I'm happy to say, in fairly plain words. I adored the way you ended it, it's cute, and such a nice change from the doom and gloom of suicidal lost love hurt tears forever etc. etc. etc. Five stars, be happy, kiss often, Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-03-18 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't see anything wrong with this, its cute... some people just have such corrupt minds that fish depicts more than lovely little creatures of the sea. I think this is really nice, a very nice addition for V-Day. Don't Delete it... cuz I said so...
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
      that's a very sweet little piece that reallyfits to Valentine's day (although it's already over but anyway...). the only thing that bothers me a bit is the word 'sadly' in the line
    'But sadly we have to come'.
    I would leave it out. it somehow doesn't fit in my opinion. I know why you put it in there but for me it doesn't fit. but that's just me.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I don't know how the theme when to home plate,
    in the last version, but it did. I like this much better as it stays kissing, the idea of gentle caresses are inferred and it's a sweeter write. Maybe it was me who took it farther in the last one, I am having a bit of a problem right now with missing someone. Thanks for sharing this,
    Hugs and Conor's birthday cake,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      No, No, No. Doesn't suck. Very entertaining! Great comparision to the fishy too. ;) It's very fitting for Valentines Day as well. I love the ending. Giggling then going in for another one. Great piece. :) Happy Valentines Day!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      This is narfing perfect for the "holiday". Very sweet, and cute, and adorable (just like you)!

    Quit being so modest, this is wonderful
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the title and the first three lines. then, well, the Jacques Costeau reference about exploring the depths and the submarine reference seem a little too out of place, like it's not related to the tango you speak of in your title. i think sticking with the dancing image might work a bit better, but that's just my opinion. personally, i could kiss for hours!


    ]
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sensual and steamy make- out fun. Definitely good write for the Eve of Valentine's Day. The depths of Jacque Cousteau is a good image, even kissing like fish works too. But I must admit the submarine dive line bears no resemblance to my idea of making love.
    Yeah, I know it's well written, but I have other movies playing in my mind. I think you understand. Nice work on imagery and metaphor, thanks Amy.

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say that this was original
    The good old french kiss....awww so beautiful...so nice.
    I like the Jacques Cousteau refrence...exploring each other.
    As for a title I like the one you have but thats just me.

    Peace and Harmony

    Shawn
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by armand | [ Reply to This ]
      Gotta say, fish don't exactly make me think romance. I feel grosser about kissing now. And yes, Cousteau is French, but that doesn't make him a romantic image either. And you should be excommunicated for depicting such lascivious behaviour!

    Whoa, sorry, my bible belt got a little tight. Saying "play submarine" makes me think more of the motion in that other ocean down south.

    Hey, how about "Deep Throat Spilunkers" for a title? <that's a joke, and yes, I know spilunking is in caves, not the sea> Well, whoever it is exploring your deep sea vent is a lucky little diver. ;-)
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by Black Rock Tractor | [ Reply to This ]
      Another sweet little cuddledumplin offering. Nothing pretentious, but not cliché either. Just another of your fanciful thoughts gone poetic. You could call it "Tickling Fish"-that should grab some attention and doesn't sound salacious (been dying to use that word lol) Instead of "sadly". how about "Too soon we have to come up for air" -because it's not really sad-I think "too soon" is more what you are trying to say.
    Breathing is a good thing. O2 and all that stuff
    Sally
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Made my blood sing. Lovely. So erotic and sensual... and tricky. Your poems are always a kind of playground for me, when I come I play for a while with words and sentences... and I try to imagine your smile just after you'd written sth new. And I smile too. Love. :*

    I wish I could invite someone for a swim. :D
    | Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]


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