[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Rays in Disarraydots

    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 412


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRays in Disarraydots

    Some days the sun gets coy
    hiding behind clouds
    when her face breaks out in spots,
    or her rays are in disarray.
    Sometimes she plays
    peek-a-boo with children,
    but she is happy
    to give the moon
    a fraction of her glow,
    of her sweetness.
    She hates to see his sad face,
    so she gives him a bit of gleam
    to add to his smile.

    Submitted on 2005-02-13 22:58:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      excellent personification of the sun and the moon. original and beautiful. I seem to take the sun and moon for granted most of the time, but I don't think I will any longer.
    | Posted on 2005-03-09 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with Joey it sounds like a children's story. you have all you need in there (just expand it a bit), the only things that are missing are some pictures to it. I'm sure kids will enjoy it.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      I see Conor is the last lines of this, maybe it was intended, it's just an intuitive observation. I understand that you're grounding her in the human perspective, and it's nice. I love your lines about the sun's play, she's always different and has the moods of many in the palm of her hand. Sun hiding behind clouds, being coy is a great image. And she shares her light with the moon, these are cool ideas, nice job, Amy.
    Hugs and love,

    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      I really love this! I have those days where I feel blah and I want to hide in my disarray. Seriously, you need to publish a book. Along with many other talented people on here. You really did personify these well though that it would be great to go in a childrens book or even a regular poetry book. But I just loved it. :) Happy Valentines Day! :) Great job.
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      I certainly enjoyed the imagery that you used. I guess it was sort of strange for me to identify with the moon as a male figure, because to me, she is the Mother moon. But I enjoyed seeing it otherwise. I think that it's a very nice poem. I also liked the interaction with the children.
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by melancholymaid | [ Reply to This ]
      this DOES sound like a children's story. I can picture the illustrations in my head [too bad i can't draw them]. thought you said your kiddie stories were too complex... ;-)
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very sweet, I have to agree. It kinda reminds me of kids playing, and all of those situations when the sun is so bright and warming over you. The only thing I might suggest is some commas at the end of lines, just to give it some pauses. Very nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by etheariac | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the idea of the sun being coy and hiding behind the clouds. you know how i enjoy personifying things and emotions! i had to laugh at the thought of the sun with her rays in disarray! looking a bit like Medusa with the snakes in her hair. she is such a good friend, too, in giving the moon a bit of her shine. very sweet, Amy.
    | Posted on 2005-02-13 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      i love writes about the sun and moon...specially when they are given personality...as if everything of earth has it own personalirty waiting to be discovered and written...i just love some of the lines...the part of the suns having rays of disarray...loving that...oh and now reading the comments this actually would be quite a cute kids story...purp
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      [[Some days
    The sun gets coy]]

    haha i really like those lines. this is such a nice, playful poem. i really liked it and the way you made the sun seem vain, but also sweet and caring at the same time. i also love the title. im trying to think of some constructive critisism, but i really cant find anything wrong with it. nice write :)

    P.S. i like

    [[But she is happy
    To give the moon
    A fraction of her glow]]

    a lot as well :)
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Wavelength written by saartha
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Bond written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Push written by JanePlane
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]