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Valentine’s Day...


Author: Yousef
ASL Info:    26/M/Egypt
Elite Ratio:    8 - 468 /203 /22
Words: 322
Class/Type: Random Thoughts /Love
Total Views: 1402
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1531



Description:


I really felt this one! I really did, and I'd be glad to have all kinds of comments (good or bad), I'm just looking for honest opinions. And thanks in advance.


Valentine’s Day...



Rise and shine, wake up a new day has come
What day is it, I asked?
The 14th of February, it’s the Valentine’s Day
Really
Yes, so what are you planning to do today?!

I’ll go to the girl I love and tell her
“I love you, will you marry me”
She will say yes while crying those happy tears.
Then we will get married

Few years later, we are living in a small hut by the sea
We have two children, a boy and a girl
The boy is so funny; he can make you cry from laughing
And the girl, oohh about the girl; she’s so beautiful
“She can soothe the wildest beast with her smile”

We sit and watch the sunset everyday
The sun is vanishing in to the sea as if it’s drowning
The kids are playing with the sand
They are building a castle or may be a fort
And the waves come and wipe it all

The light is slowly fading down
The darkness of the night is taking over
We sit to watch the moon
The kids fell asleep while we are singing the lullaby

And then we all live together happily ever after
At last I feel my life is worth living?!


Rise and shine, wake up a new day has come
What day is it, I asked?
The 15th of February, why do you ask?!
Nothing…I was just being sure!

Yousef Hani




Submitted on 2005-02-14 14:32:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I too felt this one. I thought it was really nice how such a simple thing led to a far-out fantasy and the end was brilliantly crafted and sweet. To know that fantasies just pass by, that's great, I'm there too, lovely work.
| Posted on 2005-05-10 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
  Now isn't that all better lol... I love it now reads perfectly clear. Imagery.. fantastic.. will maintain your readers attention from start to finish in a most excellent way. always smile, cheryl
| Posted on 2005-04-22 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
  What doesn't work in this poem is "Like I did last year" just doesn't make any sense. Take that out and this poem reads perfectly... making sense and if you don't it won't. Now I had to be honest didn't I? Why let that one line mess up a otherwise wonderful poem? always love Cheryl.
| Posted on 2005-04-21 00:00:00 | by ladyngold | [ Reply to This ]
  hmm. i hate valentines day. espcailly since my birthdays on the same day. but. LOVED IT. was like a story/poem to me.

“She can soothe the wildest beast with her smile”

liked this line the best. describes your lover or so. hmm.

liked it because it made me laugh. dont think it was suppose to but thats a good thing coming from me. could see pictures from it too which i do with every work i read but it was lovely!

-soomie
| Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm not sure about the rhyme and flow.. But I do know it is a very good poem. An enjoyable read. And a very nice image of love, happiness, and family. I can vision all that you described.. The weather, the water, the sun, the happy kids at play in the sand.. You and yours singing a lullaby..etc. A wonderful picture! Keep it up!

Take Care!
~Sandra
| Posted on 2005-03-22 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  so beautiful and flawless in my opinion. i loved it. it was so perfectly pictured in my mind and i could believe that this could really happen, on a far off shore some where.
but this poem as beautiful as it may be is a hope that is in my heart, deeply hidden away
but you have so easily written it here.
| Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi are you really planing to get married? don't get me wrong, but if you do so, then forget the line " And then we all live together happily ever after" .
It is a sweet poem, and you should show to your or maybe read it to your girlfriend.
I enjoyed reading it. It made me smile.
What do you mean by the last stanza, it confused me a bit?
So from reading your poem I can guess you had a nice valentines day.
Although it comes a bit late, wish you a happy valentines day. Better late then never. With love shabnam
| Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by shabnam | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, it is a very happy poem! I think the flow is a little bit awkward, but other than that it was pretty amazing! I really like how it ends, like it was a good dream...very descriptive, and good use of wording. ok, well i hope you keep writing! it was nice reading your poems!
| Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by trmbngrl | [ Reply to This ]


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