Description: This is a very rough draft...this write started out as just a bunch of jumbled thoughts and i'm trying to string them together because i see some potential in them...any suggestions, especially for a title, would be greatly appreciated...
I really liked this piece, The word choice is simply amazing as is the image the poem evokes. It's been a while since I've read anything close to this, although believe me this is quite original. The images of pain and darkness throughout the piece definitely set the right mood. Like poeticblindness, I don't think the "shaping clouds" fits the other imagery. I really think it may just be the word -shaping-, but then again it may just be me. Keep up the awesome work. J
no offense, but it deffinitely looks like a rough draft. i will try to come up with some suggestions for you...but i don't know that i could do much good, because i think that this should be finished by you and you alone, because you are the only one who knows what is going through your head and what the meaning is behind it all. like i said, i will try to come up with some suggestions, and i will tell you later.