[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: morte
    ASL Info:    17/female/earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 430/348/55
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 781
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 567

       This is a very rough draft...this write started out as just a bunch of jumbled thoughts and i'm trying to string them together because i see some potential in them...any suggestions, especially for a title, would be greatly appreciated...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Kissing you
    With lies
    Your cries

    Blood shed tears
    Soul burned
    Smokey fears

    Charred black
    By your control
    Or lack

    Window pane
    Like a vein

    A mirror just
    Shattered glass

    Leaking life
    A draft
    From the knife
    Shaping clouds

    Blood covering
    The sun
    Death’s only

    Submitted on 2005-02-14 20:57:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this piece, The word choice is simply amazing as is the image the poem evokes. It's been a while since I've read anything close to this, although believe me this is quite original. The images of pain and darkness throughout the piece definitely set the right mood. Like poeticblindness, I don't think the "shaping clouds" fits the other imagery. I really think it may just be the word -shaping-, but then again it may just be me. Keep up the awesome work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by bentnotbroken | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved it. had a smooth mood to me. liked the wayit sounds if you read it outloud.

    Leaking life
    A draft
    From the knife
    Shaping clouds

    'shaping clouds' didnt fit in right to me. was kind of akward.

    Charred black
    By your control
    Or lack

    favorite one. speaks the truth to me. caught my attention more. lovely.

    | Posted on 2005-05-26 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
      no offense, but it deffinitely looks like a rough draft. i will try to come up with some suggestions for you...but i don't know that i could do much good, because i think that this should be finished by you and you alone, because you are the only one who knows what is going through your head and what the meaning is behind it all. like i said, i will try to come up with some suggestions, and i will tell you later.
    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      it would be a great intro to a storie. very descriptive in your word choise. i hope you refine it to your liking and tell me when you have i would like to read it.
    | Posted on 2005-02-14 00:00:00 | by snufthepunk28 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Promise written by annie0888
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    This written by Chelebel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    ME written by jjd
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Incubus written by monad
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Drink written by jjd
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]