Description: I don't know why I started writing this, I was almost envisioning someone elses persona, but then it consumed me and I realized I was describing my own state of mind. I don't know what the point of this is, or whether it's even worth the time to read. But it's as raw as it gets and I enjoy reading other peoples unedited writings. So... I thought I would put my own up for grabs. It's very dramatic and very self-pitying and I usually dislike this type of style very much. But everyone's gotta try something different every now and then, ne? Enjoy.
I feel like Iím tumblingÖ
down stairs of condescending role models.
And believe me, I hit every step.
The walls arenít closing in.
They arenít even moving further away.
They arenít going anywhere
and thatís the problem.
I need a path to show itself,
I need options to close off.
Iím exhausted from walking
the same road everyday.
Iím tired of staring down at this shattered mirror,
and the cause and solution to all my problems that stares back at me through it.
It prostrates me to a state
I dare not even think about.
Most of all,
Iím tired of the debilitating feeling that follows all the complaining that precedes this punctuation mark.
Itís enough to enervate an entire civilization, let alone a single man.
In the end, Iíll look back on this and sigh.
Not a sigh of relief, nor disgust.
A sigh that comes every time I realize the constant circle I perpetually entertain.
True hopelessness is merely a flicker away,
and all it takes is caving into ones own instincts.
I, obviously, am a little biased to your writing, mainly because I can see so much behind it in you. But I decided to give you my usual style of impartial comment. :)
I like the beginning, the feeling of the stationary walls that you wish so badly would move, I know all too well how that feels. You know how much time I have every day, :P sorry I don't have time to put more content here. Obviously I can relate to much of this, I'm sure you know. Your style is very different from mine, it's refreshing.
woah [censored] been there dude, i think alot of us have. It sucks. Really. I can't tell u what to do or what path to take because only you cna help yourslef with that. You must find [censored] out for yourslef. You will,
But as far as the writing, it's not too bad, i mean it's bad, but not like uck,.
i think u have some potential in here, just try taming those emotions. using them a little more subtle ly (eh) they will be more pwerfull.
Hey, loved this. I too, have sat down to write about what I thought was someone else only to find that it was me and obviously my inner self bringing to light what was hidden from me. I love the way you started out- my favorite lines in this piece are I feel like Iím tumblingÖ down stairs of condescending role models. And believe me, I hit every step. What an amazing way to describe that feeling. I like the fact that it is what it is...raw, out-there...in a way it is like really great brain drain, a stream of consciousness about how you were feeling at that exact moment. It depends on how far you want to go with this. You could certainly clean up here and there, we all can, but maybe it should just stay the way it is and remind you exactly how you felt at that moment, you certainly weren't feeling all tied up in a neat little package, why should your piece be? I really enjoy your stuff. Magnolia
+well I figured I should come over and check out some of your work and I must say I liked it,there was a definate connection I can make to this, I know what you are talking about,9if you know what I mean) I need a path to show itself, I need options to close off I really dig that line. Too much is available of the bad and nothing goos shows its ugly ass self. A sigh that comes every time I realize the constant circle I perpetually entertain. and this line was the best I thought. I cant tell you how many times I have actually said that to a few friends(What do I look like the entertainment commitee to you)-anyway not too shabby dude_see ya~L.t