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    dots Submission Name: Baby 81dots

    Author: sugar-n-spice
    Elite Ratio:    4.43 - 55/49/8
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 791
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 443

       I was so captivated by the story of the tsunami Baby 81 who was swept out of his mothers arms only to be found again... 8 couples claimed they were his and after DNA tests were done he was given back to his rightful mother...
    Thanks to larrysgirl for helping me clean it up!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBaby 81dots

    Suddenly swept
    from desperate arms
    found days later
    virtually unharmed

    There is only one
    who can rightfully
    call me 'son'
    intrinsic tests and hearings
    will prove that she's the one

    A tender hand holds my bottle
    a soft voice croons a song
    Finally I've lost my title
    of "Baby 81"
    I'm back where I belong

    Submitted on 2005-02-15 03:25:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Speacenik about capturing the innocence of childhood. However, I don't think that the suddenly is redundant, because it shows how quickly the whole incident occured.

    A tender hand holds my bottle
    a soft voice croons a song
    Finally I've lost my title
    of Baby 81
    I'm back where I belong

    Hmm, how does a baby know so much...
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great. You really capture the innocence of childhood but you still make that infant more knowing than an infant would be, and it's believable. The only criticism I have is a minute one in comparison with how good the work is. On the first line, I think 'suddenly' is redundant and that if you omitted it, you'd have a sharper, more immediate beginning.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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