Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Stupidest Thingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: omnipotent
    ASL Info:    17/F/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 82/63/23
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1185
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 988



    Description:
       For those of you who know my writing this will be a little different for you. I very rarely rhyme, and most of my writing is very random, so let me know if you like this style. Also, the punctuation is off, but I felt like there was moe emotion without it. XOXO


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Stupidest Thingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The stupidest thing
    I could ever do
    Is hold my breath
    And cry for you

    Dripping cold sweat
    Still awake at dawn
    Why didn't you tell me
    That I don't belong

    My eyes are dry
    But my lungs lack air
    The way you took my breath
    Running your fingers through my hair

    Broken ink pens
    And short green skirts
    It's hard to say that
    An aching doesn't hurt

    I wasn't enough
    To hold you down
    But when it rains
    There will be no frown

    A lacking of panic
    Has ceased to control
    Disappointed recklessness
    And a wretched based soul

    Who are you to conquer me?
    Who are you to win?
    Who are you to discomfort me?
    All in my own skin.

    The stupidest thing
    I could ever do
    Is hold my breath
    And cry for you





    Submitted on 2005-02-15 08:19:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Good poem, I liked the emotional content, and topic. Good choice of words for the most part, there's a few lines that seem out of place, but overall and enjoyable read.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by elitegundam | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice i love the way the poem wrapped back around. It was creative and very emotional. I really enjoyed to tell you the truth i didn't think i would but the the last couple of stanzas kept me around and i'm glad i stayed it was a very lovely poem. But don't we all fall in love with the wrong person once at least? But without the kind of pain we can truly respect true love my dear.

    Semper Fidelis,
    Christopher
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Soulraven | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that when a poem rhymes, it's important for the rhythm to be consistant. It is in the first two stanzas, but then, it gets jumpy. It seems like your stretching for the rhyme. I know when you read rhyming poetry it seems easy enough, but it really isnt. You have to try to not only rhyme, but keep an even rhythm. This is a good try for a first attempt and I'm sure if you read this back, you'll find a way to rearrange your thoughts in a more consistant flow. Sometimes eliminating words can do it.
    Keep trying, I like the content, Carol
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    46889

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry