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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Spitedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: omnipotent
    ASL Info:    17/F/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 82/63/23
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 980
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1058



    Description:
       I don't really have a description for this one...It's pretty random...I really like it though


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Spitedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In spite of reinvention, I have remained unsure.
    Who have I always been, aside from insecure?

    In spite of recreation, I have still much to do.
    When the sun goes down much too soon, where are you?

    In spite of innovation, I have remained outdated.
    For, beyond the beliefs of my elders, I still remain sedated.

    In spite of motivation, I have ceased to understand.
    Why did you leave? Why won't you hold my hand?

    In spite of infatuation, I know not what went wrong.
    For the longest time I thought, I'm supposed to stay strong.

    In spite of practicality, I decline to mature.
    Even when I change constantly, nothing seems obscure.

    In spite of new intelligence, I feel no need to think.
    For my days of R.E.M have just begun to sink.

    In spite of reality, I wish not to face the truth.
    When the flowers wilt upon my pedestal,
    There's no such thing as a dying youth.





    Submitted on 2005-02-15 10:00:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't think I've read your stuff before. will have to look at all of them. I liked this one alot. unique and light, but serious. and don't we all wish we could stay forever young? well, maybe. nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-03-11 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Lots of good thinking and expression here. I really enjoyed reading it. To me, there are a couple of places you might go over, though.

    > For, beyond the beliefs of my elders, I still remain sedated.

    Not clear on what you're saying here. Do you mean 'contrary' to the beliefs of my elders? 'beyond belief'? And do you mean 'sedated', like knocked out on drugs, or 'sedate', like just unwilling to get up and move?

    > Even when I change constantly, nothing seems obscure.

    This felt forced to me, like 'what rhymes with 'mature''? Are you saying that you're (over)confident in your position, even when it's changing?

    Aside of those two points, you've captured a sense of general confusion or disorientation of youth; but, especially in the last line, 'I'm not a dying youth', that sense that in spite of everything, we'll all turn out okay in the end. Hope I'm seeing that the way you intended. Nice job!
    bent
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      Very detailed, this was so thought provoking, I always enjoy a write that makes you think. You did a great job and I really enjoyed reading this,as I'm sure you liked writing it.
    You have a wonderful talent and I'm sure I'll enjoy reading more of your stuff.
    Thanks-Denise
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Forgiven | [ Reply to This ]
      Dude. This is awesome, I loved it. Very natural, but still meticulous. I had to read it outloud, the sound of the similar wording was too fun. I think I can see what you're saying with this, I feel this way often.

    >Even when I change constantly, nothing seems obscure.

    I dunno, this line didn't seem to match the theme of the rest of the style; in spite of this positive thing/this negative thing remains. 'nothing seems obscure' is more of a clarifying, instead of something that actually_is_obscure.

    Well there's my comments, props to you, and this is going on my favorites.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]
      well, i basically agree with all of the other people's comments...a good poem overall, but the message is a little strewn. actually i like the poem a lot, i think you just need to work on the flow and the wording maybe. but nice job! keep it up!
    | Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by trmbngrl | [ Reply to This ]
      I did enjoy it, but; yes there is a but, One line made me wonder. Should things be obscure or not obscure? If you wrote what you meant maybe I should read it again to get a better understanding. I liked the way it was written. It was like inspite of X I keep going Y. Really nicely done. I guess this is how you keep us coming back for more.
    | Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by Silver20G | [ Reply to This ]


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