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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secretsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sweet-fire
    ASL Info:    21/f/ky
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 296/279/42
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 905
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 626



    Description:
       ok so i know its not really poem material its more just ranting but this is the only way i know how to express myself and i thought maybe people could relate and give advice or something.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecretsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Who are you?
    I once knew.
    I shared all
    my secrets
    with you.
    I trusted you
    to share
    yours to.
    But you refused.
    You stayed
    hidden away.
    Refusing to let
    anyone see.
    And i opened
    up to you.
    I trusted
    you to.
    You let me
    down again.
    You call
    yourself a friend.
    Am i not
    worthy of
    your secrets?
    Are secrets
    not the same
    as lies?
    What happened?
    Where did my
    friend go?
    When you
    find out...
    Let me know.




    Submitted on 2005-02-15 10:02:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I have to be honest, I didn't enjoy this one as much as your featured poem, I get the feeling you were feeling really crap one day with someone and this kind of was the result of it. I hope it served it's purpose anyway and made you a little less angry, even if for a while. anyway, you've other poems, going to see if i can find me another gem ;o)
    | Posted on 2006-02-07 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      very good. however, i agree w/ the first person who commented on it, about the rhyming.
    and i'm just not one for this kind of format.

    it feels
    like
    you're
    reading something
    that
    should be
    in a stanza
    but
    it's not
    put all
    together
    and it just
    plain
    drives me
    nuts!
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
      overall, nice job.
    it is def. a different format-with the short lines and everything. i think to make it flow a lil better, i'd connect some of the lines. also, look out for ur rhyming. but sometimes the machanics of poetry are the least things that matter-as long as you get your feelings out.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by brokenmirror | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it...sure you cold blend lines together and make is a wonderful nice poem but i think this way it shows your true emotion. It just came out and you weren't worried about how it looked. I really like it. and I know exactly how you feel It is very hard to lose a friend... it sucks butt. I hope you will be ok...and I read your friends comment and I hope whatever bad thing she was doing..that she did quite...I hope you get through this and grow from the experience...
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by MyKemicalfailur | [ Reply to This ]
      Kayla...I'm sorry. It's not like it was a lie...I just never told. I knew that you didn't like it, that's why I never said anything. Doesn't mean I'm any less of a friend for it, I just didn't wanna do anything to hurt you, I guess. But, if this is the way you feel...that I'm not your friend cause I kept this from you...I don't suppose I could persuade you to think otherwise...or could I? I swear, I don't do it anymore. The last time I did it was a few months ago and Imma not do it anymore, I quite, I promise...Don't expect you to believe me...but...could you try, please?

    ->Dark
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by drk_angl_17 | [ Reply to This ]
      I like how it has short choppy lines. It shows that you are haveing a hard time thinking, and you can't focuse. I like how it makes it flow good job.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Rail | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree, I think you rushed this. It has promise. You should try and put some more time into expanding this piece it can be very good. Perhaps lengthen the verses instead of chopping them. As I said it has potential and promise, I hope you revise this I would be very interested in re reading it.
    If you like love peotry I hope you give me the honor of reading and commenting on mine.
    Thanks
    Ben
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by BenCollier | [ Reply to This ]
      You're rhyming is definately a little off. Some parts of this rhyme but some don't. I would make it more consistant and maybe blend some of the line...

    I shared all my secrets with you.
    I trusted you to share yours, too.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by omnipotent | [ Reply to This ]


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