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    dots Submission Name: The Road of Tears and Dreamsdots

    Author: rounin
    ASL Info:    17/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 122/113/21
    Words: 548
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1509
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3642

       k here is the sum of all the revisions I couldn't live without. I see my style has changed a bit since I wrote this, and I wasn't happy with the old version.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Road of Tears and Dreamsdots

    I walked down the road, and turned angry eyes
    to the ground, the horizon, the sky;
    I snarled at the world, how it poked fun at me
    and I bitterly wondered why.

    "Oh why do you burn so?" I cried to the sun.
    "You turn everything yellow and dry."
    "My dear," it replied, "if it were not for me,
    you would not have this light to walk by."

    I walked again, feeling so empty handed,
    I saw my life still full of fears;
    Then a raindrop fell onto my sorrowing cheek
    to replace all the oncoming tears.

    "Why are you so bleak?" I inquired of the rain.
    "Why must you make everything dreary?"
    "I purify spirits," it pattered to me,
    "I come to refresh, not make weary."

    With a troubled mind, still I continued my way,
    In my world I still had not one friend;
    and when a red leaf crackled under my foot,
    I stubbornly cried out again.

    "Your fall serves no purpose," I frowned at the pieces.
    "You show me no life, only death."
    "'Tis not the end, life will return," it consoled,
    "And I flew down to cover your path."

    I thought of the trees, how they reached over me,
    How the leaves blew away with each stride.
    But with them, the wind carried warmth away too-
    The one thing I had left on my side.

    "Please tell me," I wept, "why you chill to the bone.
    Your sting tells me that I can't survive."
    "Such is life," the wind whistled, "I blow through to strengthen;
    I remind you that you are alive."

    Tears froze on my cheeks, yet my fingers would not
    move to brush away hard drops of spite.
    In a sharp, whirling tempest that caught in my throat,
    my bleak path transformed gray into white.

    I was swept away, lost in a blizzard of hate,
    and I still had the nerve to dissent.
    "Remember," it cautioned, "though I'm a storm now,
    how you treasure my gentle descent."

    It obliged to my wishes, became soft and calm-
    The air was so silent and close;
    I froze and my heart lurched with old memories
    of the silence that I missed the most.

    I looked up again, to the distant grey clouds,
    an observer of earth's silent art.
    I drew in a breath, filled with sorrow and guilt
    as my fate was turned back to the stars.

    "Why must you complain so?" they twinkled at me.
    "We see you from near and afar-
    And this bitterness keeps you each moment you live.
    Surely this cannot be who you are."

    "It's just that I'm new to such troubling times;
    I can't see things the way I once did."
    "True, your mind must be filled with such worry and doubt,
    but that won't get you far," the star said.

    The tears I now shed were not anger, but hope-
    They resembled the diamonds above.
    "Please don't waste," they implored, "your innate human gifts
    To breathe, to be happy, to love."

    I walk a new road now, it's made up of dreams,
    and it's littered with stardust and tears;
    Every time these trees whisper my tale of storms,
    I hope somebody's soul overhears.

    Submitted on 2005-02-15 11:28:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Ok, so usually I have issues with poetry, dont ask why, I have issues following, hearing the rhythm and so on, but I loved this one.. it was beautiful. Im adding it to my fav's.
    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Emilyjune | [ Reply to This ]
      You have grown quite a bit since then, it's interesting to see some roots. I really didn't like the style of this at all. I'm not really one for people trying to personify inadimate things even though I can see exactly what you are getting at. But I think some of that stems from somewhere in my past because I hate when people put words in animals mouths, haha. Like "OH look the dog is saying, "I want your food" Or some retarded crap like that. Not only that but your flow changes quite abruptly and it's hard to keep attentitive to the writing with distractions like that.

    On the other hand, I LOVE how you wrapped all this up to have a "morale to the story" effect and the way you sudbtely did it was great, I could see it coming but wasn't quite sure of how you'd accomplish it. Excellent job there, I'm glad you persisted your natural talents. Still puts a burn in my soul to get a fraction of you in any form and to see what you could be, and wondering how I'll ever become part of it. I think that's a story for another time. Take care.
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]
      I must say, this is one of the most beautiful poems I have read on this site. You have captured the essence of nature with poetic justice. I loved the way you encompassed the elements of nature with conversations. I didnt read the original write, but I really dont have to after reading this. I intend to keep an eye on you and look forward to reading more of your work, Carol
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by wannabe1 | [ Reply to This ]

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