Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Fabricated Infatuation


Author: ViCiOuSWrItEr
ASL Info:    18/Female/Desolate
Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 890 /865 /108
Words: 117
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1725
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 801



Description:


hmmmm.... just tell me what you think.


Fabricated Infatuation



A disappointed heart
follows the path to hell
and kisses the feet of its gate keeper.
To feel your tongue across my teeth
as I swallow
the diabolical plan you've poisoned me with.
You hand brush across my bust
as our love disintegrates
and nymphomania reveals its disease.
Your cryptic grip
stuns the inside
and I've left him again
don't let me die.
Wind up alone,
in a room unknown
shattered and forgotten
for actions absurd.
I lay there destroyed by the hands
of a craved foe
of my morbid Romeo.
I lay defeated and bruised
by the rotting apple of my eye
attached to and charmed by
the dark prince
the vicious sky.




Submitted on 2005-02-15 12:55:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  This is good. I really like how you have expressed your feelings in this poem. It is a very strong read with good use of descriptive words to help the reader really feel what you are describing. To me, this reads like a broken heart, or perhaps loving someone who just isnt any good for you. "Morbid Romeo" is such a great analogy of someone who you love who is not worthy of your feelings. And I understand the fear of ending up alone as you have expressed in this poem. Overall a very well written poem. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-11-15 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Help me out here, is this piece about the fact that you are feeling badly about cheating on your significant other or am I totally missing the point?
| Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by Spin-A-Tale | [ Reply to This ]
  holy sh*t... this was alot to handle... but in a good way... I myself am wondering if this was about a passed event or a broken heart... but to me it doesn't matter as much as the poem... I don't want to bring up anything so if you don't feel like telling you don't have to... just know that this was written with such care that even the most published poet's could not help but be amazed.. not saying that I'm a published poet... ya I wish... then I would have lots of money and stuff... but that's not the point.. good job on this it was really good.
| Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by bleedbroken | [ Reply to This ]
  Ouch. This is going to my favorites. I could...I got several things from this. Rape? Abuse? I'm not sure if that's what you were conveying but that's what I got. I don't like to go into detail without getting what the writer meant. But, I just figured it was one of the two because you mentioned being bruised and broken. Unless that was your heart you were speaking of. It was a good write. And, I could feel the pain radiating from it. I don't know why it hasn't gotten more comments. Its good.
~BCute
| Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree i will never forget morbid romeo.

long time no see, and i heard you're engaged??? cool!!

back to the poem now. well my thoughts are, darn powerful man, vvery!! very negative, but the persoon in this poem seems toenjoy it, as there is no plea for help or anything.

is the theme rape? well thats what i got at least. but you know, your poems mostly have a sexual connection but are never vulga. and i like that. you makke me curious, you do...

well best of luck for school i hope you survive... and i hope i do too...

Zu
| Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
  oh my gosh...this is amazing! i wish i could write like you. how do you do it? I really have no criticisms, there is nothing to criticize! it is a perfect work of art, and i have nothing more to add...beautifully done!
-mandy
| Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by trmbngrl | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



46920