Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blind Ragedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pyrosis
    ASL Info:    24/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 199/204/35
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 514



    Description:
       this piece came from yet another nightmare.. though this one is not my own.. those who know me probably know where this comes from.. those who don't.. well enjoy the fury anyway..

    say what you will

    Adam


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlind Ragedots
    -------------------------------------------


    What is this?
    TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HER
    You didn't believe me did you?

    FOOL
    You'll be dead before your next breath
    or the next..

    I cannot let you leave
    You have awoken within your own nightmare
    And I am the beast that will rip out your throat


    She may be able to forgive you one day
    That day comes when your blood spews to the stars
    A glorious fountain of new youth..
    Are you ready to bleed?




    Submitted on 2005-02-15 14:27:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      oo i like the last stanza, esp. line
    [[That day comes when your blood spews to the stars]]

    i had a problem with the line
    [[or the next..]]
    because it seemed as though you put it there just to take up space. the words dont make sense because what you are saying in the stanza is that you will kill him in his next breath, and this line implies that youre going to give him a second chance, so it weakens the sentiment. it's like you falter by saying "yea, i'll kill you right now....or maybe later". haha, just how i interpreted it

    anywho, good write, good emotion :)
    sophie
    | Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, anger. :S Scary. Sounds like you had a really really really bad nightmare. Really visual aspects though like this,
    "She may be able to forgive you one day
    That day comes when your blood spews to the stars
    A glorious fountain of new youth..
    Are you ready to bleed?"
    I hope you don't continue to have nightmares. Read my piece The Freckles In Your Eyes. That's a good nice piece about a dream I had. :) Good job though!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Anger...wrath pouring out from this piece. This was a nightmare? I figured you had a friend that was a girl or someone close to you that was getting beat up by a boyfriend. That's what I was getting strongly. But, wow, this had to of been an awful nightmare. But, you did a good job conveying the anger with the way the poem was laid out. I usually don't like formats like this but this was good.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    46926

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Records I written by Raphael
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Dream written by closetpoet
    The World written by jjd
    Love written by saartha
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry