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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blind Ragedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Pyrosis
    ASL Info:    24/M/TN
    Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 199/204/35
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 869
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 514



    Description:
       this piece came from yet another nightmare.. though this one is not my own.. those who know me probably know where this comes from.. those who don't.. well enjoy the fury anyway..

    say what you will

    Adam


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    dotsBlind Ragedots
    -------------------------------------------


    What is this?
    TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HER
    You didn't believe me did you?

    FOOL
    You'll be dead before your next breath
    or the next..

    I cannot let you leave
    You have awoken within your own nightmare
    And I am the beast that will rip out your throat


    She may be able to forgive you one day
    That day comes when your blood spews to the stars
    A glorious fountain of new youth..
    Are you ready to bleed?




    Submitted on 2005-02-15 14:27:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      oo i like the last stanza, esp. line
    [[That day comes when your blood spews to the stars]]

    i had a problem with the line
    [[or the next..]]
    because it seemed as though you put it there just to take up space. the words dont make sense because what you are saying in the stanza is that you will kill him in his next breath, and this line implies that youre going to give him a second chance, so it weakens the sentiment. it's like you falter by saying "yea, i'll kill you right now....or maybe later". haha, just how i interpreted it

    anywho, good write, good emotion :)
    sophie
    | Posted on 2005-04-16 00:00:00 | by sudie | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, anger. :S Scary. Sounds like you had a really really really bad nightmare. Really visual aspects though like this,
    "She may be able to forgive you one day
    That day comes when your blood spews to the stars
    A glorious fountain of new youth..
    Are you ready to bleed?"
    I hope you don't continue to have nightmares. Read my piece The Freckles In Your Eyes. That's a good nice piece about a dream I had. :) Good job though!
    -blt
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Anger...wrath pouring out from this piece. This was a nightmare? I figured you had a friend that was a girl or someone close to you that was getting beat up by a boyfriend. That's what I was getting strongly. But, wow, this had to of been an awful nightmare. But, you did a good job conveying the anger with the way the poem was laid out. I usually don't like formats like this but this was good.
    ~BCute
    | Posted on 2005-02-15 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]


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