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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Swolen Ratios and Bloated Egosdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 254
    Class/Type: Poetry/Them
    Total Views: 898
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1400



    Description:
       wELL LET'S JUST SEE WHERE AND HOW SOON THE COOKIE CRUMBLES!~l.TWhat


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwolen Ratios and Bloated Egosdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It makes me want to vomit.
    Some of these vague, stat padding comments.
    WoW~, Dude Good write.
    I think if you are gonna put your lips on my asshole you should at least call me Mike.
    I love it,
    It's mind blowing bullshit
    the only thing you love,
    is the words you just posted.
    If it sucks tell me.
    Straight up to the letter,
    With your tongue so far up my ass,
    how are any of us going to get better?
    Say how you feel and why.
    Maybe you have a different way I could try?
    Help me see where you're at.
    Don't just blow smoke to pad your stats.
    And I know.
    Who the people are who hide behind a bloated ratio.
    and it shows, most of us know.
    But the thing that really gets me.
    Is having 25 reads and not a single commentary,
    Not a single one.
    From anyone
    Those who throw stones live in glass houses.
    My point here is we just cant allow it.
    There is a point to all this,
    the blah, blah, blah I'm just over it.
    I'm not pointing fingers in any direction.
    But if you think I'm talking to you.
    It's probobly a good detection.
    So, I now leave it uo to you,
    what are you gonna do?

    L A M E M A N S T E R M S

    .




    Submitted on 2005-02-16 20:49:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Since you asked for "thoughts" in the commentary type, I'll stick to that. First of all, DUDE! I may have to sue because that pic blew out the entire right side of my monitor and shot my PC tower across the room!

    Now I consider this more of a rant than a poem. But as such, I just have to say . . . Way to go A P E S H I T! And I couldn't agree with you more. I've only been here a week, but I know I've managed to alienate a couple of people because my reviews are all about the individual merits of a piece, and not what I think about the poet. I think you can give negative feedback and still be respectful and constructive. I find myself checking ages before I even think of commenting. Because I don't want to make some little 14 year old girl throw her Barbies around the room and break her unicorn collection because I just trashed her confessional "All Boys Suck" poem. I made that mistake my first night on here, and since then I've learned to be more careful.

    Mostly, I am just too damned busy to be able to review every poem on here. When I do give a review, they tend to be long and detailed and above all . . . honest.

    But there seem to be two schools of thought here at ES, and they are at war with one another. There are those of us who want honest feedback, even if it hurts (provided it's not just hateful drivel), and then there are others who just want to stroke and be stroked (and can you feel the love, dog?)

    Stat padding seems a bit to me like cheating on your workouts at the gym. The people who do this KNOW they are doing it, and deep down they MUST realize they are only hurting their own credibility. Oh, yes, I DO check when someone comments on a poem of mine. If they are gushing, I want to be sure it's for real. If they wrote a similar review about a bit of doggerel written by some poetasting scribbler who checked his dictionary at the door . . . well, nothing could be more disappointing.

    Here, here!
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      ok well im not gonna writecha a novel or take 30 minutes on this. and i hope that youve read enough of my comments to know that my tongue has been NOWHERE near your @sshole LOL.

    ok lets start off by saying that what you are talking about is soooo true. id perfer no comment at all compared to a comment full of sh!t. you picked a very good topic to write about.
    now in saying that, i would like to point out a few things about your writing. when rhyming, i feel that it is very important to get the flow down as close as you can. Syllables count sooooo much in rhyming. you have some awesome lines in here, but some are just way too long or way to short compared to the line they are suppose to rhyme with. In having it that way, it sometimes makes it very difficult to read those particular lines because the rhythem is out of proportion. This is why most of mine do not rhyme. in trying to keep rhythem, you usually end up losing so much of what youre trying to say.
    anyway...SEE my tongue and your ass are yet to meet hehe
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
      thoughts... okay. i don't even pay attention to those ridiculous stats. i'm here to write poetry, submit it and get constructive feedback. i read other people's poetry to do the same. i don't blow smoke up people's asses. there are some fine poets on this site, and i tell them that. if i don't like a poem, i usually don't even say anything, unless i've got something constructive to say. anyway, that's that, that'll be that, and that's the end of that! have a great day, mister!
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay. There is a lot to what you say, but then again there's more to the story than meets the eye. There are a ton of people on here, at many different levels of development, with different styles, educations, levels of depth, time to spend here, etc. Also, there are many on here who get offended when they receive a true critique. Even some great writers get offended. There was a cat here named chasingtheday, very talented, original, had a book deal in the UK. He had one guy suggest some changes and he got so pissed off that he left and never came back. My point is, some of us don't want to risk offending people we don't know and others simply don't have the time to put into it to give a true critique, and still others lack the depth to dig deep enough to offer anything worthwhile.

    Now, you contradict yourself a little when you then complain that you have a piece with 0 comments. On one hand you're saying you only want true critiques and on the other you don't think it's right to have people reading but not commenting. This comment right here will take me 15 minutes or so. If it were a complex piece where I had to read it 5 or 6 times to get it, then put my thoughts together and break it down, it might take me 30-45 minutes, maybe longer. If I did that with every piece I read I would only be able to read one or two pieces a day.

    My thing is this: give me every kind of comment possible, good, bad, smart, stupid, it really doesn't matter. I can decide what to do with them from there. Sometimes a simple little three sentence comment might give me something I never saw.

    When I give comments I'll usually be pretty bland, maybe try and point out the good and ignore the bad until I get to know somebody. If I offend somebody on the first read then I have a bunch of [censored] on my hands, and I'm not here to fight. I'm here to write and to get better at it. I don't like to waste my time with all the politics and bull[censored]. Shit, in the beginning I was worse at critiquing than I was writing. It's still hard for me. Half the time I don't know what to say about a really well written piece. If I try and break down and pick apart a well written piece I'm gonna come across as looking like a dumbsh it (like I probably am here).

    Anyway, that takes care of my thoughts on the content or theme of the piece...as for the technique, I'm not a fan of rhyming in general (I think I already told you that) but I do think you're pretty effective in being creative with it, not the typical blue/you she/me crap.

    K, some suggestions -

    And I know. > I'm not understanding the period here

    In fact, that whole bit seems a little redundant and is over punctuated (in my humble opinion)-

    And I know.
    Who the people are who hide behind a bloated ratio.
    and it shows, most of us know.

    I'm not sure if it gains anything from the "know" repetition, and I don't see the need for the first two periods.

    But the thing that really gets me. > no need for period

    Is having 25 reads and not a single commentary,
    Not a single one.
    From anyone > period should be after anyone not one.

    cant allow it. > should be can't not cant (I really like the soft rhyme here with houses/allow it)

    I'm not pointing fingers in any direction.
    But if you think I'm talking to you.
    It's probobly a good detection.

    I think it should go comma after direction and then no punctuation at all after you. probobly should be probably

    So, I now leave it uo to you,
    what are you gonna do? > uo should be up...I would go with a colon or semicolon after you

    K...that's all I got. I can't spend this much time on every one of your poems. I'd love to but just can't. If you would prefer that I don't comment on your stuff if I only have a few minutes to give please let me know.

    Hope I've been of some help.

    PS I broke the 30 minute mark on this one
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    47113

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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