Fantasy by jer

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Submission Name: Fantasy dots

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Author:	jer
ASL Info:	29/M/Detroit
Elite Ratio:	5.08 - 283/238/34
Words:	130

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	305
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	847

Description:
Why can't there be women out there that are ACTUALLY like the women I date pretend to be, ya know?

Fantasy

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You're not beside me
you're not even real
and i want you more for it

and how i do want this

reality has stinging, bitter pain
while your bitter is sweet
and your kisses sting like cooling rain

how dearly i desire this

my lust for relationship, baseless, insecure
not to give or receive love
but to merely be a part of something

my lust for this fairly drips from my body

you can't exist, save for my belief
faith in supreme beauty of spirit
dogmatic devotion to love song and film

love story beauty cries for my touch

were it only true that real love could prove
would that my imagination could have some competition
if only you could be real

Submitted on 2005-02-16 22:25:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  "while your bitter is sweet"
how true that line is...
huh...relationships suck...
"my lust for relationship, baseless, insecure"
Who's relationships aren't based on this..
everyone is insecure and needs someone to make them feel better about themselves...
obviously reading this has made me bitter and full of angst....
Good write none the less...
sorry for being grumpy...LOL
catch you in a better mood later..
Rubi
| Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by Rubi_Roja | [ Reply to This ]
  the dissapointment of thinking you found that person who you dream of...,the surface is everything you want...and it goes on for awhile that way...that perfection...every little thing moment seeming perfect...every touch of the situation seeming to go excactly how you want it to...then slowly it begins to unravel revealing a mysterious person and you realize you never really knew them and theres no common ground to walk apon and they were just being what you wanted or what you chose to see...the lust in love blinds us...or others blind us..from what they don't want us to see...i know how you feel ever relationship i've ever had has been this way...and dating itself just becomes a big dissapointment and your hope thins each time...i love how this is written it seems we;ve climbed into your mind and your letting us know all your desires and hopes...of your saddness and pain...i really love it ...and the structure of this write is great the thoughts in between the stanzas are placed perfectly and fall in thought with the rest but stand alone beautifully...wonderful...purps
| Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a cool thought actually. But I had some difficulty with these few stanza.
"You're not beside me <- starts out great!
you're not even real
and i want you more for it

and how i do want this" <- I get the idea but is it an acutal question or just a statment of what you really want?It's not too clear with me and it doesn't really flow with the next line but the next stanza's my favorite =^-^=

"reality has stinging, bitter pain
while your bitter is sweet
and your kisses sting like cooling rain"

its such a cool statement! --

"you can't exist, save for my belief" The "save for my belief is cool.

this concept is really a neat idea and it ended pretty well, I hope you keep on posting poems and I think i'ma gonna check ya out. -^-^- keep writing!!!!!!!!
PL&GC
| Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
  what a great, but sad poem. i especially liked:
you can't exist, save for my belief
what a true statement. but that is part of the problem, i think we want so badly for that "perfect" person to exist that we dont look past even 1 of the tinest faults...NO ONE is perfect that is a myth. i love my faults, my stubborness, and mood swings, i just want someone that can accept that, all of me.

perfection exists only in 1 place, our own minds.

nice thought provoking piece.
| Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  It makes me think of my current situation; my love for someone dear to me is just a fantasy.

I guess this poem "relates to me."

(Bad comment, I know.)
| Posted on 2005-02-25 00:00:00 | by QueenCrimson | [ Reply to This ]

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