Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: HOPEdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Serious
    Total Views: 1181
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHOPEdots
    -------------------------------------------


    As I look up to blue skies,
    and see the clouds floating by.
    Sometimes to block the suns rays,
    sometimes to block the wind with rains.

    As I look up the sun shall fade,
    the night aproaches as I exit day.
    Comeing the moon and unknown dreams,
    a complex percision they never seen.

    For will they notice the universe,
    in the way it should be seen?
    For will they notice our own earth,
    for is true knowlage what they fein?

    All their lives they search for life,
    and only find their death.
    For will these clouds still float one day,
    or will they save us with confese?

    I only worry for the children,
    who they teach religion and false ways.
    I only worry for the moons bright midnight,
    and the sun aproaching a new day.




    Submitted on 2005-02-16 23:16:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hope is things wished yet never seen until the midnight of doubt bleaches into a new day.
    "For will these clouds still float one day
    Or will they save us with confess." a nice way of putting hope in its true perspective.
    | Posted on 2005-02-16 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this one in the way that it is kind of spreading your idea...of hope of course. again, some spelling errors that can easily be fixed. nothing too big. you continue to amaze me you really do. not your best work but it still it keeping me coming back for more. talk to you laterz. OH! one more thing. i think you should write a decription for your pieces because then the reader can understand more of where your coming from when you wrote this and just the jist of the whole thing? if you get my drift. well, do what you please! adioz.
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    47135

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry