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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Flickers (Pt. 1)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mixedemotions00
    ASL Info:    24/F/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.26 - 574/377/69
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1019
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 804



    Description:
       #1 in a series by clay and myself. I think the title of our series is going to be "Shrapnel Heart" and each piece is going to have it's own title, but they're all in conjunction with each other... we'll see.

    I wrote this... clay is writing #2 and she will most likely have it up within a few days.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFlickers (Pt. 1)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    She waits.
    Like a mouse
    waiting in a darkened corner,
    first hearing the cat
    tread lightly on the ground.
    Then seeing only the tips of the whiskers
    catch a faint, far-away light…
    and slowly, more and more of the
    terror appears before its eyes.

    Like the phone call
    that jolts you from your
    la-la daydream.
    Shoots you back in time
    months ago,
    burrows under layers and layers
    of your carefully hardened heart.
    Dully eats away at all
    you’ve put behind.

    Something is stirring.
    Ominous and foreboding,
    but she reaches
    towards the headlights of this
    runaway truck
    much the same as a
    moth is drawn
    to the lamp.




    Submitted on 2005-02-17 01:06:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi, found you on the people page. I was drawn in by the first stanza, very good metaphor, cat and mouse. The second was fine, I see a call from an old flame? anyway, I get the unearthed memory bit, but the last stanza escapes me, I haven't a clue (wait, just got a clue: is she drawn to this guy even though she knows it'll end in disaster?) Anyway, I'll look forward to the story unravelling. Cheers, Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-03-12 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      so it really does suck that bad, huh.

    Ah well, I'm out of practice... lame excuse. Kelly, maybe you should start over!
    | Posted on 2005-03-10 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel this is quite nice poem. It gives a introductory sense of mystery, some sort of like a archaeologist making a find. Though in this case it was actually buried before. I liked the second stanza. It gives me the feeling that someone was waiting for a phonecall from this someone, and quite disappointedly stations himself or herself beside it and accidentally falling asleep after some time. The phonecall sorts of jerks this person back to reality. A pity no one commented yet. Is this series of poems supposed to be sort of like continuing where the previous left of? Because it did sound a bit unfinished in a sense though. Waiting for the next installation. Good work.

    Sebby
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by Sebby | [ Reply to This ]


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