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    dots Submission Name: TRUE LOVEdots

    Author: jermwerm
    ASL Info:    26/m/FRESNO CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.29 - 203/268/83
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Deep Thought/Love
    Total Views: 1587
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 721


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTRUE LOVEdots

    Sitting on the grass green plaine.
    A vision came to me,
    seperated clouds with strings of light,
    magic waves of spells to free.
    Sunshine light of sparkled glow,
    golden hair and halow rings.
    An angel to elate the sunrise
    my heart and soul she brings.
    Her eyes so blue of ocean sky,
    a touch into my dreams.
    She awakens sleeping love,
    a fear that I can't see.
    She tells me everythings alright,
    in her arms I fall asleep.
    Only to awake in nightmare,
    as darkness slowly creeps.
    Angel of the purest evil,
    disguised as heavens beams.
    Left my heart and soul to die,
    shaddered all my dreams.

    Submitted on 2005-02-17 13:36:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you seem to not need much/ any crit. your words just seem to cary on a very eligant meaningfull pattern and flow. you have a tallent for writing i must. i love the ubrupt ending in this poem. obviousely someone has wronged you, and i like how you let the reader walk with you through it. that shows the great happiness, and the tragic fall. it greathow you can elaberate on your feelings like that, instead of just focusing on the pain you were left with. for what is pain without pleasure. great peice of work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-17 00:00:00 | by peach_tequilla | [ Reply to This ]
      as peach_tequilla said, there is nothing i could suggest to make this better. your diction is amazing, i was completely blown away. I could feel your pain at the end; all the emotions are equisitely crafted. wonderful job! i am officially obsessed with your work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by jinx | [ Reply to This ]
      wow! i love this. i mean the meaning of it and the reason why, not quite loving but i mean who does. but what i mean is that i just love the way that you put this one together. i like when u said
    "...Angel of the purest evil,
    disguised as heavens beams..."

    the reason why i like this and i can undedrstand more than i understands anything else is because oh wow i just get it! lol. seriously though. i think what it means is that someone who you loved(ur x) and thought to be pure and honest and just perfect for you, actually turned out to be nothing but a lie. right? okay, another thing. great freekin job! hehe. i am adding this pronto! thankyou so much for continuing to post all of your poems i just love it and you make reading such an enjoyment. i mean some of the stuff that i read on here is just terrible.(NO OFFENSE) but really, i mean everyday i try to go into "people" and read everyone in there and just read one or two from each persons page if i have time and i mean lately it is just beginning to be a drag. but off the subject. what i meant to say is that i just love coming to your page and finding out that you have something new for me to read. it really is an honor to be able to read and then understand other peoples writings. and even if you dont have anything new. i still love reading your poems even if i have read it before.
    anywho. great job on this one. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]

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