Unleashed by ariesmind

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Submission Name: Unleashed dots

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Author:	ariesmind
ASL Info:	24/Male/Atlanta
Elite Ratio:	3.82 - 75/79/18
Words:	81

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	378
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	533

Description:
An anger that couldnt be held back..
I am actually the assailant in this situation..I was crushed that i ever did that, but i did...Im sorry..But anyway..In this write..i am actually putting myself in that persons shoes.

Unleashed dots

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As the tears trickle down my face
My emotions twist my soul inside out and my heart shatters.
Love turned from Light to black then blue
Never thought an assualt would come from you.

With my white flag raised high
I leave in peace
Staying would only beget grief

Confidence , Happiness and Love

Washed away in an angry whim of reality

Jealousy, shame and dishonesty
Hit hard tonight

i might never trust again.

Submitted on 2005-02-18 01:01:05 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Never trust again...

That last, lingering, echoing line. Made my heart just about stop. Because that's what I did about...a whole lifetime ago. And, I think I've regretted it ever since. Yet, I feel there's nothing I can do.

This poem caught all those emotions. And, I'm sorry for whatever you're going through to make you go through this. I hope you find your way out of it. Because it is a long, tangled maze. One that I'm so far in I feel that I cannot get out of.

Other then that, this is a very well written poem. The format displayed the torn up feelings and confusion. I liked that about it. Good job.
~BCute
| Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
  I know how it hurts believe me I do. It is hard to get away and the fact that you did I applaud you. Great job on this poem..really great. I am sorry that it happened. You managed to write down my fears when entering a new relationship. Them hurting me. But I suppose it will pass it always does. Good job!

Blessed Be!
| Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Sarah Leger | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a very difficult piece. i have noticed your style of writing is very in depth. this piece although sad is also partically optimistic:
I leave in peace
Staying would only beget grief
its the understanding that Finally gets through to this person.

yet it ends in a typical tragic way for victims of abuse, with the shattering of trust. nice write.
| Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
  Well first I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Abuse is one of the worst things to put up with...hard to get away from to...espesially from a loved one. It is great that you got out of the situation. The poem itself was great. You used a lot of imagery. The perfect amount in my opinion. I have read some of your other pieces and you write very well. Great job on this.
much love
mikki
| Posted on 2005-03-01 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey ariesmind ;0)

Even though you where abused, you still went away with your heart raised high. That is pretty good, considered that you where abused…. Is white a metaphor for being pure ?

I especially liked

“I leave in peace
Staying would only beget grief

Confidence, Happiness and Love

Washed away in an angry whim of reality”

It gave me the feeling that you really felt, you where ready to move on, despite the fact that it really was difficult. Nice feeling you have painted here … with Confidence, happiness and love you just had and where ready to move on..

Keep on writing ;0)

KNS
| Posted on 2005-03-02 00:00:00 | by KNS | [ Reply to This ]
  Never trust again.

this is the line that most hit home to me so i'll just spit on that for this comment. i really find it amazing how little trust there is today. but then i kinda dismiss it because i see all the [censored]ed up people in this world and i understand why they don't trust. and i am morethan sympatheic in that i have the same beliefs, but kinda different:i've put my heart out on the line more times than i can count, and i'd say about 99.9% of the time, i've gotten hurt, so i came the the conclusion not to long ago not to trust anyone with something so very important to me as my emotional well-being. then i looked for the one person i could trust, myself, but then i saw that i am so devoid of any find of quality that could be remotely trustworthy, that i was stuck with no one to confide in. take that for what its worth if anything at all~P.J.
| Posted on 2005-03-06 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]

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