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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Please Take it All Awaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zu
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 446/379/76
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1004
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1129



    Description:
       here kayla!! enjoy!! (hope you do)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlease Take it All Awaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Memories floating in front of me
    Naked, white and free
    They remind me, and make me see
    What I could not be
    There is a cloud up there
    Cutting across the air
    There is hope where
    Time does not stay.

    And I canít take any more
    Leave me in the dark
    You enjoy this Iím sure
    But please take it all awayÖ

    They say that love is great
    But I say that itís fate
    Sometimes itís all in vain
    Cause you canít escape
    Sometimes on a cold night
    Devoid of light
    You can see someone whoís crying
    And that someone is me!

    And I canít take anymore
    Leave me in the dark
    You enjoy this Iím sure
    But please take it all awayÖ

    Itís my fault
    All mine
    I never did see
    How special you were
    But now you arenít here

    And nowÖ
    Please take it all awayÖ

    (Mute)

    And I canít take anymore
    Leave me in the dark
    You enjoy this Iím sure
    But please take it all awayÖ




    Submitted on 2005-02-18 09:05:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Good write. I liked it a lot. It expressed good emotion, and they were very good lyrics. The structure was well displayed, and you could tell that you're writing out of your own style. The theme wasn't exactly different, but you made it your own, Very nicely done. I applaud you :-)
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Blaith Hawthen | [ Reply to This ]
      not bad... it is a recurring theme, but of course, we as a society haven't exactly figured out a definition for love...
    Keep up the work.

    -Raistlin
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Raistlin Sith | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was great! 8 mins only?! You've got to be kidding me! I want to hear this on the radio someday, kapeesh?

    This piece reminded me of that one coldplay ro something or other sone, Can You Take it All Away, and I adore that song so awesom job.

    As I was reading this, this part stuck out like crazy:

    "They say that love is great
    But I say that itís fate
    Sometimes itís all in vain
    Cause you canít escape
    Sometimes on a cold night
    Devoid of light"

    And I mean crazy good. The next two lines were good to, but these strung together were awesome. Kick-arse job Zu!

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey friend! I've had a little break and now I'm back - though I still CAN'T WRITE ANYTHING - and I'm pretty worried about it, anyway, let's get to this one - cause it seems very nice.

    Concerning the style - it's all ok for me, as for lyrics of course. Every sentence has got a kind of melody, and the chorus is done very well too. A fine construction. The idea with 'mute' is very interesting and gives it melodicism again.

    Concerning interpretation, I am not sure about the part:

    'Leave me in the dark'

    and then:

    'But please take it all away'

    On one hand if I take as a kind of freedom from memories (darkness) it works well, on the other - it just doesn't fit. Could be written differently. Now, I think it's a very special kinda-love-song, it really is. And I enjoyed it very, very much. And I'm gonna give you a big five if it is possible, cause you absolutely deserve it. It's been a long time since I was here last time - and I think you keep instantly developing yourself. And it's great!

    By the way, those guys on the photo, god, they're horny. ;)
    | Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      These sound kind of angry, and to be honest, I've kind of gone away from angry music and lyrics. So I don't really know what to comment on because of that and that lack of inspiration I've been having recently.

    I'll give you this much though, these are best lyrics I have read on this site for a long while because the "lyrics" section has just been poetry with no obvious melody or rhythm behind any of them. Well even though I can't really comment on this, I'll compare it to your others and say that your lyrical talent keeps on getting better and better. Great job!

    James
    | Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


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