With my radio on... by Rhaine

as i clean my room
my favorite song starts to play
on the radio
greenday's
boulevard of broken dreams
whenever that song plays
its like i cant do anything
ive tried before
but it always distracts me
so i lay down on my
dog hair infested bed
tapping the rhythm out
on my little belly
and i get to thinking,
what would happen
if i died-
with my radio on?
at the young age of 16,
my clothes on the floor
in sorted piles of
pants, tanks, undergarments
pajamas, tees, long sleeve tees
my belts scattered in the corner
a couple pop cans strewn
about the place
my flowers would remain
and prolly die as soon as me
my phone sitting on the floor
underneath all the
christmas lights on the ceiling
plugged in
would it remain that way?
with my radio on?
would my friends come back
to reclaim the things
i had borrowed?
would my mom come in
and clean it up a bit?
so that my visitors
wouldnt see it in
disarray?
wouldnt that take away
from the tone of my room
and of myself?
i was always
a very messy person
nothing was ever put up
if it was all disorganized
it was like i could find my crap
when you lose a child
i thought that would want
to keep it the way it was
when they were there
i belong to this website
and i take it seriously
the people on there are
closer than my dearest friends
because they read my poetry
they know how i think
and who i really am
to them i am "rhaine"
would they know if i died?
or would they think
"rhaine" just left
my dreams would be
forever left unknown
so i am writing them down
what i really want is
to go to drexel university
to major in natural sciences
and minor in the human pysche
i want my poems to be "seen"
i wanted to move to spain
but right im feeling like
greece is where im headed
i want francesca lia block
to know how much
she has influenced my life
especially my poetry
i want my cousind haley and livy
to reach for the stars
become what i couldnt
and make a difference
i want my home chickens,
the following-
Maff, Elvis, Fish, Lulu
KP, My Nerd, Chelz, Smash-
to all piss on my grave
so a part of them
will be buried with me
i want officer simpson
at the bmv
to know that
i am terrified of him
i want mr stoehr and mrs dawson
to know that i
absolutely adored them
i want bandit
to still sleep on my bed
and that goes for halle to
and i want chirpy girl to
stay "lowenstein"
i want my dad to bury me
with a box of
krispy kream doughnuts

and mommy,
i want my radio left on...