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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Playful writingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ariesmind
    ASL Info:    24/Male/Atlanta
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 75/79/18
    Words: 200
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 365
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1375



    Description:
       Bored one day....jumbled thoughts make their way onto paper


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPlayful writingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    SiTting here
    drinking a bottle of organic wine
    watching the clock tick
    hand down my pants
    i think ill beat my dic- tionary meanings
    finding questions for your life
    Expression changed from black to red
    stating danger

    The disease is coming from my head
    dead???? .. not an option for me
    i cant go while children are being subpoenaed to adoption

    two creative energies chillin at the base
    plotting their take over of the aryan race
    gods need to be seen not heard
    but they need green to create a composite card
    image is everything
    the power is in one’s sight
    Creativity pulsing through their fingers, mouths, eyes and ears.
    Regardless of heavenly tears.

    Fears are learned from the security systems you bought
    thoughts and lives are lost in television waves
    slaves have been built through candy, coke and pope paul games.

    description and depression is the name of the pictured prescription
    pills are now obsolete
    what will cure a head cold or relieve minor burns
    cannot soothe the souls yearns

    Scratching the brain
    while sitting back with a bottle of wine
    hand in my pants
    still watching the clock

    JUST BORED





    Submitted on 2005-02-18 17:46:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very interesting and I am always appreciative and attentive of anything that comes to mind. I like your "ariesmind" name - I'm an Aries
    You had some very good creative use of metaphor. Great Friday! Love, Peace, Joy!
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This is full of cynicism and word-plays and it's quite pleasant to read it even though the style's abit rough. But I think that contributes to the overall feel actually - raw images, no synthesising of ideas or whatever.
    In some places it's got a hip hop feel to it -- when the lines are longer -- and in others it sounds more like conventional poetry. I think that's the only thing you could polish abit. Anyways, this is solid work.
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, this is by far one of the best thins Ive ever read.. and there arent many. This says a lot. to me in an apathetic tone which makes it more interesting. The third stanza was the best and the ending was surprising.. I loved it and it gave me a bigger sence of apathy. overall a wonderful write. I dont read things like this often.
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Exodus Night Sky | [ Reply to This ]
      Gifted dude...You're gifted. Playful writing. I wonder what the serious writing is like. It's nice to know their are other people like me and on this site that can truly write. I mean young black males. People may not appreciate your style at first but stick with it. They will love you very soon...
    | Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      dead (death) is not an option for me.. another great one... boredm and beating the dic-tionary could bring a lot to think about... and the austions for life are no easy thought to have.........

    two creative energies chillen(chillin') at the base
    | Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]



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