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    dots Submission Name: "ROCKSTARS FALLING"dots

    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1374
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1020

    I wanna MAKE IT .....yEAH RIGHT!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I see the rockstars on eMpTy V.
    Who do they think they are?
    They're no better than me.
    Sex, drugs and rock and roll,
    eventually takes its toll.

    Shining in the spotlight today.
    But tomorows glow shows
    fame and fortune fading away.
    It's just a matter of time.
    As one star falls another gets to shine.

    It's a lonely place.
    as you fall from grace.
    Things arent so familiar,
    and you've become quite similar,
    to people like me.
    who watch you on M.T.V.

    You'd play in front of huge crowds.
    Now you play with yourself,
    in a drug induced coma,
    laying on the ground.

    Thanks M.T.V
    for all this luxury.
    And my addiction to pills.
    Just a typical rockstar story,
    and the fall from glory
    in the Hollywood Hills......

    L A M E M A N S T E R M S

    Submitted on 2005-02-18 19:48:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      That is gorgeous. I love it.

    I'm gonna be a rockstar. I agree with everything you said, and it's all true, but I'm gonna be one anyway. Maybe I won't become a drug addict. Who knows? Or maybe I'll end up living on a corner under a blanket made of newspapers.
    ...I suppose I'll find out eventually.

    And just like everyone else, I thought "eMpTy V" was very clever... So is the title.

    Okay, I am officially a fan.

    Your talent fascinates me.

    | Posted on 2006-10-07 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
    Lamemansterms, I take my hat off for you!
    that is the best play on words I've ever heard, and so greatly ironic too.

    I can't get over it. *takes deep long breaths*
    ok. cool. hahahahahahhahahahahah
    *nope, there I go again.*
    I loved reading this, cos its what we all feel at some point. Im sick of
    watching the same crap over and over myself. and then, heaven forbid, when
    a good band comes on, then they are played over and over, milked for all
    their worth, until they are just a bunch of EMPTY skins that make you wanna
    puke to listen to. anyhow,

    I love the lines,
    'As one star falls another gets to shine.'
    thats true ay. so very true. you get ure moment on that [censored] sell-your-soul-to-the-devil program, they lick your ass, and then they boot you out the moment they sense another major media sell out. hmmm..

    thanks for the read. EMPTY V! EMPTY V!
    | Posted on 2005-05-31 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha ha ha. this was good. i love it.
    the way you point out how stars rise and fall. great.
    i read an article last year in Spin about the lead singer from Warrant.
    he is now a Resturaunt Manager (my husband was also @ 21) in detroit, then it said 'it's just cruel to order the cherry pie.' (his band was made famous by the absurd, stupid song cherry pie)
    and it use to be allllll over Mtv back in the 80's.
    so i found this poem finally....like i was starting to think i was stoned or stupid or somethin'.
    cause you kept saying fallen rockstars.....
    so i'm looking for poems starting with F.
    F*ck, So i finally f*ckin' find it.
    also the other poem comes up much sooner on your list so i thought you meant this was the one that was retired....uuuh.
    I just think between our 2 stoned brains it got all confused....anyway..i finally got to both of them and i like them both...again...as you knew i would. i especially like the end....the fall from glory in the hollywood hills.
    the only thing i heard differently in my head was the line that says in a drug induced coma laying on the ground...
    I heard...laying on the couch...mainly because you used crowd in the first line...but thats me and you are you...both fit..i think it's just a matter of opinion and situation.
    but ya know...i love it the way it is !!
    | Posted on 2005-04-29 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this message is so very true. How great really are these "rockstars"? They are no better than any of us, and end off worse. I think this poem is amazing. I loved the EMPTY-V. What a play on words and emotions. Hands down, this is one is going to be one of my all time favs.
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Lostlover | [ Reply to This ]
      You'd play in front of thousands,
    now you play with yourself,
    in a drug induced coma,
    laying on the ground.

    this was my favorite part. i think this would be a lot better if the entire thing didnt rhyme. the rhythem to the rhyming itself was a bit hard to follow. I do like how youve play on the word Empty-v . very clever
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by SilentWhisper | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. I like that, becuase its so true. I hate MTV.
    What are they trying to tell us? They are trying to sell sex drugs and booze. Basically, and brainwash kids. They are not even music based, now it is a lot of "reality" television.

    Shinning in the spotlight today.
    But tommorows glow shows
    fame and fortune fading away.
    And it will, it's just a matter of time.
    As one star falls another gets the chance to shine."

    I like that part. how true is that, about pop stars and everything else.
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by unclear-fantasy | [ Reply to This ]
      I hate MTV- it sucks, it is crack for the minds of the masses...lots of jiggling booties, gold teeth, bling-bling ( can't tell you how sick I am of that term). Alot of people who are afraid to be real. That's the difference between you and them- you are real, you are not EMPTY ( I liked your whole play on words with that), and hey- apparently you get to" play with yourself" (hee) and that can't be all bad. I liked the topic of your peice and the overall tone which I think captures nicely the feelings that you get when you watch that crap. Cheers. Magnolia
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      "As one star falls another gets the chance to shine." <- Good comparison there. :)

    I really like this write. It's a different topic than most people use when talking about this. Usually people write about how others want to be like them but I like the fact that you wrote about that they will 'fall' from their rockstar status. :) I like the "Empty-V" thing too. That's creative. Good write.
    I will admit though, I watch MTV. hehe
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      This write was soooooo cool! Seriously. I felt it was very perceptive, though i must point out, even though you'd most probably know, not many rockstars are on drugs. Other scandals like sex, perhaps, but not so much on drugs. But i guess the drugs were just an exaggeration used to complement the poem.

    It was nice, though. No, I mean, cool!

    | Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by Sebby | [ Reply to This ]
      I've just read your other comments and there are a lot of the "Wow, dude!" type comments you dislike so much. My "wow-dudes" are much harder to come by, because if I dispensed them easily, that would devalue my currency. Your commentators like your poem because they basically understand it. They have had similar thoughts about the techno, commercialized, pop, drug, urban landscape they live in. You've got them nodding and saying, "yeah dude, that's cool, you're telling it like it is. I myself feel that it is a world that lacks the spirit necessary for poetry, but that's my I MYSELF sort of comment. You can write poems about anything. When you do so, consider your pride as a craftsman, as a wordsmith. For example, decide actively what sort of rhyme scheme you are going to use. You see, in your first two verses you establish a rhyme scheme of a,b,a,c,c which is fine, but then you abandon it in verse 3 for an a,a,b,b,c,c, scheme which disappears altogether in verse 4 which has no rhyme at all. I have no objection to occasional rhyme, but your poem rhymewise just sounds like you forgot what you intended to do. Now to rhythm. At times you adopt a particular rhythm which is consistent with poetry, for example your last two lines:"So falls another rockstar up in the Hollywood Hills" with essentially three strongly stressed syllables per line, but just as your rhyme falters, so does your rhythm such as the line "And my addiction to cocaine and pills". A change such as "Being hooked on crack and pills" would improve the rhythm and make the words "hooked" and "crack" feel right because of theitr shared "k" sounds. Now to imagery - shining in the spotlight and shining like a star are not novel images; they are, I'm afraid clichés. You have a good image at teh end when the rockstar falls in the hills, because we can take one of the many meanings of "rock", the boulder one and see a rockfall in the hills. More of the same is needed. In my book, apoem must consist of two things- something worthwhile to say and the very best way possible of saying it. You have strong thoughts and feelings which are worth expressing, but they do not become poetry until you use language effectively. Every single word in a poem should earn its place. But one very big plus in your poetry is that it is objective and is making social commentary and is not just introspective drivel.
    | Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting topic really...simple but real. Who hasn't envied rock stars? What poet of the last 50 years hasn't wanted that glam life at some time or another? I love the empty-v thing, but I think it really loses a lot by repeating it. It almost makes it sound like you realize how cool it is so you use it twice...

    k- a couple of minor things that you need to fix (cause I think I know you by now and you want it to be "right")

    Shinning in the spotlight today. > Shinning = shining
    But tommorows glow shows > tommorows/tomorrows (nice assonance btw)

    Other than that I will say that I really like the way you think, but I have a feeling you rush things a little. I like the idea of writing in one sitting, as it comes to you...get it all out...but then I think you could REALLY make something special if you challenged every line...see if there is a better, more creative, colorful, descriptive or just plain fun way to say what you've already said. Again, nothing wrong with this at all in my view, but I think it could be better if you just tweaked it a wee little bit...then again, we could tweak everything forever couldn't we?

    Good fun my man!
    | Posted on 2005-02-22 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]

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