Description: This is my dual self I guess. I am torn at times between being that good girl, the sweet daughter, sister, wife, mother... when what I really want is to let the temptress out to play and destroy all in her path.
ooo it does spell nymphet. I didn't notice until i saw it mentioned in someones crit. I've always been a firm believer of that anyone that presents themselves as perfect .. as all good or always acts right, just , nice , happy .. so on so forth .. the whole emboiment of virtue .. is someone who is denying what it is to be human.. either someone who is denying those contrasting thoughts and desires in their heads or is putting up a play to hide their secret lives. Thus some of the most abnormal people are those that have fitted themselves into the normal box ..like how we make an average or a normal in stats .. this does not mean that anyone is actually on that average line ..so its wrong to put anyone on that line .. if you see what I Mean ..
It seems that many believe that the security of long term love replaces that crazy desire for that in the moment type ..sweep me off teh feet .. kind of love .. or desires. It seems that many people think .. or at least many young people think and many older people repeat until they believe .. that desire for the sublime and dirty thoughts go away with time and age .. I believe that you might be able to choke it for a while .. but if you dont kill it its gonan come back with a sore throat and a badattitude .. or if you do kill it .. its body isgonna lie there and rot and stink u p the place .. and you can never really clean out the smell of something dead .. or something along those lines. Either way ..I believe that ..not only can we not help these darker sides to surface .. I believe that it is essential for good health to sometimes delve into them .., if only in your mind ..I'm not saying [censored],rape,steal ..etc .. those I believe are the bizarrities of too long neglect . .there are healtier ways of exploring ones sublime desires .. like touching the mossy place in a frame on a peak .. or something like that ..
Oooweeooo Aunty Nae Nae, this one positively sizzles - ouch! Lol.
Everyone wants to let their hair down and be a crazy cat at some point (even if they denied it, I wouldn't believe them lol) and you've epitomized it here through evocative words and imagery.
This 'mossy place' could be taken literally or metaphorically - I take it in both contexts as it works both ways wonderfully... and rather naughtily lol.
Perhaps the only thing I could suggest would be making this stanza into three lines - to fit in with your other triplets - making it consistent and making the line-length of the second line not so long. Hence: 'Perhaps I could skim just the very surface of your fathomless carnality, entangling myself in you just for a time,' - just a suggestion on the enjambment of it.
But jeez Louise, you got me frazzled with this one lol. Beautiful and passionate write Rene'. You're my first critique for the New Year by the way.
Oh, and the first fave of mine for this year as well. Enjoyed, thank you. Peace,
P.S - I just read the other comments now about the acrostic you have in here - I never even noticed that the start of each stanza spelled out 'nymphet' - very cool.
Definitely a golden oldie Mags, this is very sexy I might add. But underneath all of the social grace we're given, yes, burn baby burn. I think we are as immersed in light as dark, hopefull more comes to light, but desire is one of the most compelling forces we encounter.
I think it's everyone's job to be taken by desire, it's for love and that's never wrong. And them maybe it isn't love? Bless you for your honesty. love, Nan
Well, I think I sort of always knew that those "good girls" had another side to them. Nice to see of you wants to admit it (lol) This was really well done. The look on the inner self and somewhat wanton desire to break out of the mold everyone sees you fit in and show the wild side...or at least the side that can step out of the white dress & dainty gloves and slip into a red dress with stilletto heels and let the imaginations of others wonder... Nice write Rene Lisa
This was a subtle, classy piece about one wanting to break out of the mold of what is accepted by most people and present yourself in a way that isn't accepted by most. The flow was intermittent but I suppose that is what was intended. Keep it up, take care.
This is René magic at its finest...beautiful, evocative, sensual imagery...suppressed, but hinted at desire; and passion, passion...just passion....oooh Im all giddy...want to run through woods naked and frolick in meadows and skinny dip in lakes under a full moon...
Oh dear, I should probably stop. Or not. But probably really should.
What an enchanting way to start my day...
René, I am awed by your poetry...awed amd mesmerized and so so happy to know you, and be able to share this wonderful poem...You show so many sides of yourself here, in such a delicately veiled way....its just beautiful, and I will stop before I start to really ramble...
Wow! The sacred, the carnal, and a new type of erotic imagery. Never seen moss before, but it works. This poem holds together in the way that your poems (i've read two now) are plainly spoken. This style normally doesn't appeal to me. The way that your poems tie imagery together so sparsely and skillfully placed as to lend gravity to your strong finishes (always a plus); makes me think that your poems should sit beside the best of the Gluck's or any others in POETRY magazine or the New Yorker. will read more soon, later, kc
Brilliant. I love the throwback to Nabokov with the title and some of the imagery. "Maybe I am scorching for you to press me/against this mossy place, this sacred place, /full of thistles and pine" I love your wording here. "Scorching" is not often used in this context, but I think it's very effective. And your last line " Touch me in that mossy place and we will go down together" sort of changes the connotation of the word mossy. Before it was used to describe the location of the encounter. Now it can be interpreted as the place (on your body) where you want to be touched. Don't know if you meant it that way, but it makes a great double entendre. Lovely piece, made me want to go have sex in the woods...
Well, this is a sexy piece. The last line caught me by suprise. The word nymphet always makes me think of Lolita (for obvious reasons).
I liked your unusual line breaks. For example most people would break after looking and after blue in "Not that you could guess this by looking into/ my innocently laughing eyes, bright blue and." I'd put periods at the ends of your stanzas because they're complete sentences.
How could you ever know? I have hidden my authentic self under prettiness and prayer, nails scratching from beneath the surface,
I like that stanza a lot. It makes me think of a naughty schoolgirl. I've always wrestled with the good girl/ bad girl dichonomy too. I was such a geek in high school that I could do stuff that was bad, and no one ever thought that I could do it.
I enjoyed the originality of it ,that was very good,and It all was good BUT it seems during the whole title capture you lost something that you normally would have paid the attention to that it needed. I'm not saying that it wasnt good but the extra attention you gave to the title thing toojk away from the descriptiveness of other things.. The descriptions you gave were ok but something wqs missing. Plus this good girl bad girl thing EH you know M_aybe I am scorching for you to press me against this mossy place, this sacred place, full of thistles and pine,-what is that about? Isnt MOSSY like bad and nasty and old and corroding , I hope thats not what it means anyway Im drunk so dont take too much of this wrong SEE YA ~L.t
You see now I read the other comments and they all had something to say about the "Mossy" part of your piece. I personally thought the whole thing was a reference to the wild...like a forest. And that a forest is as basic in nature as it gets which was your comparison to you wanting to give in to your natural desires instead of pretending to be a civilized human that everyone knows you as. Maybe I'm reading too deeply but that's what I got out of it. Personally I liked it a lot, very different. I think it's actually really attractive when people have a bad side to them and everyone thinks they are a really good person. I think that entices me to want to be the one who knows just how dark they are and have that to myself. Kinda like a domination in the form of knowledge...which is another basic instinct that a lot of us have.
The only thing I didn't like was the very last line. It was short and to the point but I think you could have been a little more descriptive with it, even if that's what you weren't intentionally going for, it could use some imagery to tie it all together. Thanks for writing it though, it reminds me of someone I know.
The acrostic ruined this I think. If you'd get rid of the 'Maybe', 'Perhaps', and 'How' and substitute them with something else it might flow better. The second last line is pretty much cliché, and the last line seems a bit too demanding to go along with the rest of the piece.
There's some good seduction in it, but I think it could be stronger still. Keep it up.
I tell you what I dont know exactly what you changed but it seems to rhyme in an incredible subtle way throughout, I dig it. I liked it before but its better now and one more suggestion take a look at this How could you ever know? I have hidden my authentic self under prettiness and prayer, nails scratching under the surface,- Thats a little hard on the brain if you know what I mean. Maybe one too many "unders". Just a thought but I love it and I'm going to have to come up with a piece similar in style, I really like that title thing a ma jig-anyway see ya L.t
yeah, i like the subtelty now without the acrostic so out there. this is so seductive and sensual, i love it. too many people write erotic poems with nothing left to the imagination. i like being left with some mystery and the ability to see it in my mind's eye... thanks for that!
I really like the new changes to the last line, it works a lot better, great work. I am sure some people won't like hearing "mossy" two times cuz I know lots of people who are just odd like that, but you can't please everyone, and I think it's great. keep it up.
Ah the great duality of woman! Our greatest strength...also our demise. It's always a struggle between the two...however, I think now I have found peace in the ballance and realize there's room for both Marysunshine and Sallymoonshadow...they're friends now working together to produce a ballanced Marianne.
I love the use of Mossy... I love "I have hidden my authentic self under prettiness and prayer"...great line... Good work! I think us chicks can really all relate to this idea.
This sounds like the story of a woman who's seens outwardly as innocent but underneath the beauty and her religiousity, she longs for that sexual encounter to satisfy her human needs. Great work! Baafuo