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Moments of Grass


Author: Speacenik
ASL Info:    27/Female/IReland
Elite Ratio:    7 - 437 /381 /116
Words: 133
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1805
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 846



Description:


This poem is after Whitman, Lu Hsun, and all those who have valued the grass. It is written in reaction to outrage at global warming.


Moments of Grass



I mark how the wild and tender grass strikes
no deep roots,
has no perfumed flowers,
nor any alluring leaves,
but amasses dew, water
and the blood of death all its long life.

I have seen how the feet of young and old
trample the irridescent pigment
from this field.
And I have seen how the crazed mower
slices through soil, and lacerates lawn.

I mind how ripening dioxides,
and the immediacy of sun,
crack enamel
and blanch the sheaths
of these ascendant strands.

I note how crisp packets, sweet papers,
and the silver foil from bubblegum wrappers
will panel the grass for long years
until pried away to leave unique,
unripe moments in this pasture's green.




Submitted on 2005-02-19 16:07:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Well I felt there was some overt posturing here. I note/mark stood out. I'm not familiar with either of the poets work that describes grass & only "my captain oh captain" reversed? springs to mind so I can't comment on that aspect of it. As always your imagery was superb

My impression of this piece is that it sounds like a modern American Indian refrain..."when all the fish ...when all the trees...lah di dah...only then will you see that you can not eat money"

There's much to admire about your decriptions but I would prefer this poem if it suggested something or delicately led the reader to thinking they had defined they meaning and drawn conclusions themselves.

Food for thought...and just a viewpoint.

DB
| Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  I see a dual mean to your "Moments of Grass"
To me you are comparing the life many lead to that of the destruction or rather the obliteration of the beauty of grass. Don't we all at times take life to the extremes. Our habits like the litter on grass remains with us until there is death to the beauty within us.
On the other hand,if the mean of the poem is taken litterally,it is surely a feat of endurance as to why grass ever manages to survive.
On the litter issue, I think all states have laws against littering. Here in Virginia, even throwing a cigarrette butt out the window is an act of littering. But, the laxity of enforcing this law really gives all citizens a bad name. I don't see why someone can not take along or keep in the vehicle a plactic bag or some other receptacle to put one's own created trash in.
Perhaps to some there is a challenge to see if they are ticketted. To some there is a show of delivilishment to one's peers in the vehicle.
If citizens would realise that the millions of dollars spent collecting roadside junk could be put to better public causes litter may decrease on the roadside.I've always said that "Litterers are like their faces,always seen in public places."
Getting back to your poem, I like the way you break the lines by not including a complete thought in only one line. To me,being able to pause at a line end with a single sense of being gives my mind a secongd or two to appreciate the last word or so before going to next line with a sense of being deprived of my enjoyment of its words.
I can see your distress of nature being curbed to that of human likeness of manicure.
Grass does grow a stronger root system when cut. The reasonfor this is that fully grown blades of grass shade the ground from the drying nature of sun and wind. With grass being cut, the roots have to go deeper in search of moisture., thusly it is healthy for grass to be cut.
I like your poem as is written. It gives me reprieve from the daily format of newspaper items with their wordsy descriptions and after reading it those words are trhown into the trash because there is nothing there to wish to hold on to.
Gosh! Enough rambling! Truth is,I liked your poem.
| Posted on 2005-05-17 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't know... I read all the other's comments in hopes of getting some light shed on your work, but after reading a third poem from your pen, and getting a feel for your writing style, it sounds like you've taken a class or two in modernism or post-modernism, because your writing style gives off the desperate, wistful whisper that makes contemporary poetry so personal and moving (when understandable).

I'm not criticizing that; it's an admirable ability in its own, but the result is, for me, dumbfoundedness and an intense wish to unearth the deep hidden meanings behind the poem. Sadly, for the most part I'm wrong about the meaning existing at all, and so I'll take this poem at face value, an ode of sorts to the underfoot flora.


As a poem, it's what free verse is all about, really. Your diction, contrary to what others might say, isn't "too eloquent" or too baroque, as your words seem to echo of conscious and cautious selection, which means that you chose your words, and if it feels off you most likely did it on purpose. In these cases, then, what matters more is that the underlying message is easily seen, rather than left as a mystery.

This poem, itself, is as far as I can tell just a memory of grass, and slight degradation of those who care not for it. That's the only thing I have against this style; it sounds deep, and when it's not you couldn't prove it to a donkey. But anyway, I already spoke of your diction: it sounds like each word was fastidiously picked and placed just so, and I have little in the way of suggestions. With abilities like your own, though, I'd really like it even more if you could put some sort of message into the poem as well, so it isn't just imagery and sentiment-free verse has a need for a morale of the story, a destination for the eyes to settle upon, or else it seems like prattle.

Uhh...yeah. It was pretty. Very pretty. And I'm going to read the rest of your work too because I have lots to learn from you.
| Posted on 2005-03-16 00:00:00 | by EternitysLyre | [ Reply to This ]
  I definitely like the idea you started with for this. Definitely original and a cool thing to write about. However I would have really liked this to have used metaphors for the grass. Also the use of the word "grass" seems a little too much and overpowering - once or twice would probably have been enough to get the idea. I liked the part "nor any alluring leaves, but amasses dew, water " but i think you could have left the line there as I don't really see how "the blood of death" fits. Explain it to me please if you would I also think that using more technical words (chlorophyll) might not have been a good idea as, even though this is something simple, it doesn't seem necessary in describing the grass.
I think my favourite line was "I mark how the wild and tender grass strikes" as I feel this captured the idea perfectly.
Keep on writing
| Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]
  Definitely an interesting thing to write about. I like that it wuz inspired by something so important, and also by people with great talent. Well ok Whitman; I don't know who the other person is. But I'm sure they would appeciate reading this. I only suggest that you break up lines in the first 2 stanzas to make them into four line stanzas, like stanzas 3 and 4.

I mark how the wild and tender grass strikes
no deep roots, has no perfumed flowers,
nor any alluring leaves, but amasses dew, water,
and the blood of death all its long life.

I have seen how the feet of young and old
trample the irridescent pigment from this field.
And I have seen how the crazed lawnmower
slices through soil and lacerates grass.

That's what I would do. Really good work, good message.
| Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
  you certainly pick a novel theme here and i am always interested in looking at such pieces.

this piece is rich with imagery and you bring to life something that must not be that easy to write about, and you do it a manner that is not too hippy and tree-hugging, and this is good, not beacause i have anything against this stereotype, but because it would have made for a watery poem; and this is certainly not.

your first staza is strong and it builds up well to make your first pertinent point and an injection of emotion.

however, i think there are quite a number of things you could look at here.
i understand how this must have been difficult when you were writing, and especially as there are few alternative words, but you have repeated the word 'grass' four times in here including your title. to me, this is a little clumsy and distracting and an injustice to the images you portray.

im not sure if the following line is relevant to what you want to say:
'I note how thicknesses of crisp packets'
are you saying that the grass you speak of, be it one particular part or any part, is so covered with crisp packets and such? this would imply that you cant even see the grass, and you state it 'blinds' the grass. however, and i may be taking this too literally, but i have never seen a field or anywhere that is entirely covered with the four things you have mentioned. perhaps i am being picky, but 'thick' does not seem to be an appropriate term here.

i am unsure of your use of enjambment between the following two stanzas:
'I mind how ripening dioxides, and the immedaicy
of sun, crack chlorophyll rich enamel
and blanch grass sheaths.
I note how thicknesses of crisp packets,

sweet papers, and the silver foil
from bubblegum wrappers, will blind the grass
for long years until prised away to leave unique,
unripe moments in this pasture's green.'
though i understand why it is done, i dont see what it adds here, and it is not in keeping with your first half of your piece, which is more conventional. i think a more 'conventional' approach works better here because of your subject matter. this is not absract, and i think you have enough power in your imagery to carry the peice while everything else works for me in an understated way.
like the following:
'I mind how ripening dioxides, and the immedaicy
of sun, crack chlorophyll rich enamel
and blanch grass sheaths.'
this is an excellent section.

i am wary of the following structure:
'I mark how the wild and tender grass strikes
no deep roots, has no perfumed flowers,
nor any alluring leaves, but amasses dew, water and the blood of death all its long life.

I have seen how the feet of young and old trample the irridescent pigment from this field.
And I have seen how the crazed lawnmower slices through soil and lacerates grass.'
again, i think that simplicity in your structure would work better here. i cant quite make logic of the break between line one and two, nor the fact that there are no line breaks in line 3. as for the second part, i assume that you wrote this piece as two lines. i had the same problem when i submitted a piece as the line is not long enough, and it would certainly work better this way than four lines.
perhaps you could write stanza one as follows:
'I mark how the wild and tender grass strikes
no deep roots,
has no perfumed flowers,
nor any alluring leaves,
but amasses dew; water and the blood of death all its long life.'

this is just the way i see it. i get bored of hearing myself talk about structure and sh-it and i am not a rule junkie though you may never guess it, i just think these things are encroaching on some excellent imagery. and this is what i want to say last, because for the most part i llike what you have written and your imagination.

and your ending is quite anti-climactic. at first i found this frustrating, but i think on reflection that it is relevant to what you are saying and the emotions you want to bring through.

well if i could ever feel sorry for grass, you would have me there.
take care
on1eday.co.uk
| Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]
  You take an innocent object... if you can call 'grass' innocent and make us feel guilty for stepping on it. This is extremely well written and it portrays a clear picture of how we ruin nature and the outcome of our irresponsible behaviour. Beautifully done!
| Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
  This is far out fantastic! Like a symphony for my ears...I want to read it out loud to hear better the beauty (but I'm at work, and they already think I'm odd enough.) ...what tremendous choices for words!
I love the choice to take something like grass and make us see the majesty of it...not unlike the writers you mentioned. It's sad all the things we do to grass to mess it up...your depictions are quite lovely.
"I note how crisp packets, sweet papers,
and the silver foil from bubblegum wrappers
will panel the grass for long years"...This is my favorite line. You've brought such reverence to the simple blades...there is much splendor in your grass.
Thanks...this is wonderful
| Posted on 2005-02-21 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
  This is the most brilliant homage to Whitman I've ever read. It is amazingly written. Completely original, but reminiscent nonetheless. I was going to quote some of my favorite lines, but I'd be recreating your work in the comment, and that seems pointless. Definitely a favorite. Thank you.
| Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by jer | [ Reply to This ]
  "I mark how the wild and tender grass strikes" -and I mark how you zoom in on the blades of ubiquitious plant, and show its' resilience and strength in the face of continued abuse, pollution and neglect. On the one hand, a plain-jane spike of a plant with no beautiful flowers to falunt color and fragrance, on the other a sturdy, stubborn working plant that brings beauty and cool comfort to our world, as well as the oxygen we need survive, and weaving a blanket to contain precious topsoli that might otherwise erode away. You say all this and more, but simply and articulately,-much like grass itself.

I think I like the last three lines the best overall
"will panel the grass for long years
until prised away to leave unique,
unripe moments in this pasture's green. "
because by saying that litter that lain there for years (by our calendar)-when pried away ( I think prised was a typo) leaves patches -"unripe moments". I take this as if years of our lives are but moments for grass, -another underscore for your message of endurance despite Man's best /worst efforts.
Interesting, unusual and well executed.
Silver
| Posted on 2005-02-26 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]


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