I don't know, it's not my best work, but it came to me while I was writing something completely different, and it just feels funny to have had this come out of my head. It's just not me... strange. I was channelling frost or poe or something.
Random Love Poem -------------------------------------------
leave aflame your candlebright eyes
guide this foot weary traveller home
my return made sooner by love's dulcet call
alight on my duty, never again to roam
put aside things of a childish time
be married to me in both thought and deed
show your love unto me as I show you mine
there for one another in our hours of need
wrap in winter's warm blanket this night
our innocent whispers and playful night zeal
for only these myriad tiny acts of love
can, in time, pure and true love reveal
This is a very sweet and lovely poem. I am a sucker for a love poem and so I dont know how much criticism I can provide this one. I think it is very nicely written and captures the feelings of love so very well. I like the ending here as you speak of the "tiny acts of love". It is all the little things that make love so special. It is the thoughtfulness and all the special times shared together. The last stanza of this is indeed my favorite part although I think this entire poem is really well written and expressed. You should write more of these...for someone who doesnt write these lovely poems, you sure did a nice job with this one. Take care.
Jer, this would make any woman or gay man melt. I am an awful romantic. This speaks to that young maiden in me. I felt like it could be something from Midsummer Nights Dream or something. It almost written in a voice from the past and I could see your point about channeling, what a lovely surprise to come out when you were trying to birth something else. Those are often the best works. I really enjoyed this. I found it to be very romantic and tender without being sappy or overly sentimental. What a great balance you struck here. Magnolia
who needs the paper anyway if one has that? very nice random love poem but I might reword the last lines only because they seem a mouthful (don't get excited)
'for only these myriad tiny acts of love can, in time, pure and true love reveal'
for only these myriad acts of love can in time true love reveal
just my little suggestion. tightens it up a bit but doesn't change a thing really.
This is indeed unlike your typical kinda post-modern style. I understand the references you made in your description, but I think you did a pretty good job of not letting the feeling get the best of you and resort to oldstyle language. There is, afterall, a reason that they wrote that way. It was the language of their time, not ours. You adopted a style that is not necessarily yours, but for the most part kept the diction current.
There is a temptation when writing love poetry to make it overly flowery. I think you stayed just on the borderline, and to me that's the best place to be.
"be married to me in both thought and deed" is particularly beautiful to me. But then again, the whole piece is. The ryhmes made sense - you controlled them, not the other way around.
I love your raw style. Seeing something more refined like this serves to highlight the fact that there is a difference between raw and unskilled.
Okay...I had to read this... It was featured and had the words random and love in it...which I think is cool because it apparently came to you at random and it is a love poem. but blabbering aside... "leave aflame your candlebright eyes" how odd that the first line should be my favorite... but that was the hook..
and now comes the line... "be married to me in both thought and deed" I really liked the thought of this...no funny business women...I WANT DEVOTION!!!
"for only these myriad tiny acts of love can, in time, pure and true love reveal" and that of course was the sinker... because in my opinion that was a good ending. I think this is one of the best written poetry I have read in a long time.. Thanx for sharing
this is a very sweet and tender love poem. it seems to be wafting around quite a bit around here as of late! early spring fever?
i would question the putting away of childish times, because i want to be goofy and have fun with my lover, but i guess there is a difference between childish and childlike...
errrr...i'm so mad...i just got done typing this extremly long comment then my computer freezes...so i going to give it another go and see if i can remember what i was saying...ok...this is a very sweet write...and isn't it weird how such things come from our heads...even if we aren't feeling this or expierencing it...because from reading your description...it seems this isn't factial...maybe its a memory of a past love or a love in which you wish to have in the future...and the first line of this is extremly beautiful...to me it says she is the light in which guides you...shes the light in times when you feel like your in the dark or alone...i had a better description of that but i can't quite remember how i had explained it before...man err...makes me mad...oh and also the line speaking of putting aside the times of childish things...i think your speaking of putting aside everything...just being honest with each other and just living...and being in love...and it seems to me ...that you see the little things in love are what matter most...i'm not speaking of anything that can be bought but the little pleasures of each other...like maybe a brush of the hand...a entire night spent making love...a good morning kiss...just lying in each others arms...like nothing else matters just the little things that seem so simple that a couple does for one another...ok i'm rambling...lol...but you get what i'm saying...i just really enjoyed this because even though you say it came from no where it came from your mind so therefore maybe in your subconsious this is what you wish for love to be...and its just so tender and sweet...purps
This is original. A lot of love poems are very similiar. I think that's what I enjoyed most about this poem; it's original and doesn't sound like every cheesy love poem I've read in the past.
Submission Name: Random Love Poem
