[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: No Lovedots

    Author: HurtDeepDown
    ASL Info:    24/F/OHIO
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 165/161/42
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 962
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 984

       I know this sounds kinda stupid. Tis lots of forced rhymes, but it does explain just how I feel; searching for something that isn't there and doing it while knowing I can't have what I truly wanted. But I got it so it's all good!!! :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNo Lovedots

    Youíre the tightest solution,
    The incineration shaking from my match,
    Itís not an act of hatred,
    But the slightest ache that runs down the small of my back.

    I canít walk, canít sleep,
    Iím being overtaken by the thought of your voice,
    Yelling the words you canít keep inside,
    The bruises on my feet leave me walking with no choice.

    Iím broken between your silences,
    That ugly tattoo running down your arm,
    Dragons telling me to leave, cause you bring fire,
    And the ability to cause me harm.

    Stop shrinking my thoughts into a bottle,
    Suffocating inside small spaces,
    My tears canít even be removed,
    And my blood leaves you no more traces.

    The aching still runs down my cheek,
    My eyes are bruised shut,
    I have attempted to open them one last time,
    But to me, thereís no point,
    Öno love.

    Submitted on 2005-02-19 21:07:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It seems that in some stanzas you decided to rhyme and in others that you didn't. Yeah they were alittle forced.. But we all got the idea. As long as your feelings got put down, it doesn't really have to make sense. As long as you write a description to help the reader out.
    Thats what I learned
    Good luck..

    | Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      what I see here is an incredible and overwhelming frustration within you that wants out so very badly and you tried so hard to vent through writing but even then the words just didn't come out right. keep trying, this is really good, and if it's only to help you feel a little better then don't worry how good or bad it looks, just worry about how good or bad it feels.
    | Posted on 2005-02-20 00:00:00 | by pyrestarter | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]