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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Loving, Livedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ari Leukos
    ASL Info:    17/Male/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.83 - 92/134/47
    Words: 323
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 913
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1972



    Description:
       Not much to say here... read the intro to get the jist of it all. Another fanciful meandering.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Loving, Livedots
    -------------------------------------------


    A fool I am, and will be in this
    But hear me out, through this hopeful tryst
    With a dream and a prayer,
    My conspirators two
    In tender verses’ fanciful game:

    One Day...

    Trust me- let my gentle grip protect you
    Know me- let my humbled eyes caress you
    Fill me- with courage that will endure when all else fails
    Let me love you with naught back in return
    Whilst I give of my truest, deepest
    My heart of hearts
    And drown in my wearied bliss
    Overcome by such perfection- loveliness
    For nothing back to myself I ask
    But the allowance for my gift to give

    Can time and fate be overcome
    By soulful wishes dreamt up by one
    Who soars unashamedly in waking dreams
    Of such simple beauty still flying free?

    Can ritual and engravéd rules be hid
    Beneath the passionate pleas I pour out?
    Or be suppressed by the firm defiance
    That fills my resolve in this impossible romance?

    So I will plead with deep longing, and in longing dream on
    Of my hopes that shatter under practicality's yoke
    For in the dance we so gaily play out
    A question looms
    Dark and heavy upon my heart
    Can such a fair lady love such a soul as this?
    Or embrace with open arms
    And hold all the tighter for the pain?
    Loving- without a scornful eye or glance
    What lies within, ensconced and out of sight?

    So I'll fear not, hope not, despite for the chance to love
    So I'll give and ne'er expect a word back of mere mutuality
    All I want lies in your glace- the greatest trove of gold
    And I'll wait for you, my gem of gems that shine at night-
    For you to trust my soul
    And know my hand
    And fill my heart
    And one day let me love
    So I can in loving, one day live




    Submitted on 2005-02-19 22:14:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmm. I've got to admit, this is one of the favorite poems that I've ever read. I mean, I think that you perfectly stated what love is...

    "Let me love you with naught back in return
    Whilst I give of my truest, deepest
    My heart of hearts
    And drown in my wearied bliss
    Overcome by such perfection- loveliness
    For nothing back to myself I ask
    But the allowance for my gift to give"

    that was my favorite part... and the way you write- not many people our age write like that. we tend to go into 'slang mode'... but you keep the old school way! And could the great Ari Leukos actually be in love? The person this is meant for must be pretty awesome to deserve this much. Now for the 'dissing' part. The flow and cadence of this is nice, but there's something about this that I can't place that's bugging me. Maybe it's that you make it sound like all you want is her... like... hmm... i dont know how to say this... but somehow I get the jist that you would do anything to have her by your side. I don't think that's the reason for true love... but it's up to you. Other than that, though, I think you hit a bullseye in describing love, and I LLOOOVVEE your writing style. So classic, but rare nowadays. keep it up!

    Jen
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by Toxic Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      Alright well it seems like I'm the first to comment so I'll as descriptive as possible; I LOVE this piece. the first line that amazingly caught my attention was

    "For nothing back to myself I ask
    But the allowance for my gift to give."

    From that point on I re-read it and started observing all the little details you have emplaced in this. I can most definitely relate to almost every aspect of this poem and I think it's great that you can express even a portion of the feelings you contain.

    I like how your style changes throughout it and how you don't cement yourself in one perpetual writing style, it makes the whole work so far from tedious that it practically begs to be read over and over, and for this reason it is definitely going in my favorites. I don't know if others will truly appreciate this as much as I do, because I've chosen to look so deeply into it and try to pick out every attempt of expression this piece entails. The only regret I have about reading this masterpiece is that I have no constructive critisizm to give you about it. There are parts that I think I would do differently but that totally changes the style and image that you portray as yourself, so I can't really say I'd fix anything and I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to edit your work in my direction because it's great the way it is. Amazing and fantastic skill is shown in this and I will, for sure, check out your other work if it is available. Thanks for posting and take great care of yourself. ~Jimmy
    | Posted on 2005-02-19 00:00:00 | by majinkenshinamv | [ Reply to This ]
      This entry was just begging for comments, Ari! I think that not many people have read this one and commented (yet) because it is quite long... and often enough, long poems boringly drag on. But this one was quite the opposite, and I just have to say that I think this is my favorite of yours... and so I will be adding it to my favorites. Usually I pick out a few lines that were special to me, but... each line, I thought, was perfect. I especially like the idea of the intro, and the format was interesting enough. The commanding nature of "Trust me... Know me... Fill me..." was almost haunting, as you continued to generously offer your love. Some of these lines...I wonder. Did my journal happen to fall into your hands? *scary thought* Especially the middle four-lined stanzas...but not to draw attention away from the others, as well. Well, except you word these thoughts and feelings so wonderfully. While the wording was captivating, I felt the feelings behind what was written to be much more intriguing. As a person that doesn't know you, I say: Whomever you choose to write about is quite lucky to have such love offered to them. As a person who knows you: I have a lot of questions...and are you willing to answer them...

    right/write on.

    -LucyDiamond
    | Posted on 2005-02-23 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]


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    47508

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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