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Author: InYuco Katan
These days are growing short.
You are not the same.
You're just a little bitch now.
Just a fucknut little whore.
These ties that you hve worked so hard to make.
You just cant see
How they are about to break
Your going to fall
The reason that we are so distant
Because you've changed
It's not just me
But there's Blaze and Timmie
We all notice
You're worse than him
When it comes to women
whats the deal with you
I think that if I hear
"What are you thinking?" Just one more time
I'm going to snap
Going to break your fuking neck.
What the fuck is up with you
I really want to know
For once Timmie has more balls than you.
Fuck You! Stop fuckin skitzin and shut up.
| Ok, this is obviously emotionally packed. A lot of people will have a problem with the excess use of curse words f this f-that. But it's not really a bad thing in my opinion, only when it detracts from the poem...When I read this first I was expecting a rhyme scheme, just based on the structure of the poem <shrug> not that poems need rhyme schemes :P...|
I think your poem could greatly benefit from more descritions, perhaps metaphors...maybe compare her to a dog in heat. (something like that) It's one thing to tell the world someone's a b'atch, it's a whole new level to show them how :) The emotion is deffinatly in this, just work on more visualization.!
|| Posted on 2005-06-06 00:00:00 | by Stwcjj | [ Reply to This ] || the funny part is that he is talking about me. live a life with real challenges, InYuco, and then see if you still write the same poem.|
---Former President Lovelair
|| Posted on 2005-02-24 00:00:00 | by Raistlin Sith | [ Reply to This ] |